Christmas Relapse

[Justatinybitcrazy]

Hi all. First time poster/long time lurker. I’ve had a disaster of a couple of days. I’m recovering from depression and generalized anxiety disorder and have come on a lot in the past year. I went out with friends a couple of nights ago, got far too drunk and made a show of myself to say the least. Culminating in me making it home alone , completely breaking down and harming myself. I was so hysterical my mother who was in the house called an ambulance. They talked me down...I’m trying to deal with the guilt now of ruining Christmas.Putting on a brave face as best I can but I’m really not up to celebrating. To put it mildly I feel like absolute crap....

You haven’t ruined Christmas. Would you think you’d ruined Christmas if you were diabetic and had a hypo episode? Nope you’d think it was shit timing but it’s an illness and not a choice you made. Try and be kind to yourself, I know it’s not easy as our minds trick us when we aren’t doing great. Depression is a dick . Also, you don’t have to put on a brave face. Unless it helps you. Sometimes I find ‘fake it till I make it’ a good strategy when I have to face the world. But it’s much easier on myself to just let myself be if I can, and only deal with as much of the world as I feel up to.

What are you up to over xmas then? I’m by myself until tomorrow afternoon, DP is working a night shift. I came on here to see if there were other MH sufferers who wanted to chat a bit as we get through xmas.

Thanks so much for your reply AnxiousMunchkin! Just going through the motions until tomorrow is over then going to rest and try and get to my G.P. as soon as I can...
In my hometown for the festive period and helping to host Christmas dinner so have been prepping all day and am on autopilot if I’m honest. In retrospect the pressure obviously brought on the ‘ episode’ and I should have known not to do so much for everyone else but hindsight is no good now really...
Hope you have some nice bits in to enjoy tomorrow. Some quiet time is sometimes a blessing especially when you’re not feeling 100%.
If you need a chat I’m here anyway.
Sending love your way ❤️

Pizza for dinner tonight for me :) I’m contemplating a glass of wine, I was going to swear off alcohol until my mental state improves - it’s a depressant after all - but the other bit of me thinks I should treat myself. I kinda think it’s eaiser being alone right now to be honest, I don’t have to deal with anyone else’s expectations. Have put off other people until Boxing Day and planned to go for a walk rather than have a home invasion too.

Hindsight is 20/20..... and yeah it’s no use right now for this episode, but it might be useful for future you to prepare for even-further-in-the-future you for next time you risk this situation. I’m very grateful to past me right now - she made some mental health first aid lists and I’ve been using the ‘feeling depressed’ one the past few days - things I can do when I can’t think what I should be doing. It literally says things like ‘drink a glass of water’, ‘have a shower and put clean clothes on’ and then things like ‘paint your nails’, ‘watch a film’ etc. Things so I take basic care of myself and keep my mind calm and occupied.

Let your autopilot do the driving and allow your mind to rest as much as you can. Perhaps if your GP has online appointment booking you could see what’s available.

Is your mum supportive?

I’m very grateful to past me right now - she made some mental health first aid lists and I’ve been using the ‘feeling depressed’ one the past few days - things I can do when I can’t think what I should be doing. It literally says things like ‘drink a glass of water’, ‘have a shower and put clean clothes on’ and then things like ‘paint your nails’, ‘watch a film’ etc. Things so I take basic care of myself and keep my mind calm and occupied.

Past you sounds brilliant (and, by inference, that means present you is also brilliant :-) )! I think you should consider publishing those lists for different moods somehow, it's such a great idea (and maybe leave some blank slots at the end for people to add their own personal entries too).

Publishing those lists would be a great idea. Thanks again for the support yesterday! I hope you and whoever else reads are having a happy and peaceful day ❤️