Picking - Self harming nightmare

[Kittykat2027]

Hi guys,
This is first post on here and I am looking for advice on self harming particularly picking there's not one part of me without a scar. It's destroying me, I can't look at myself anymore. Mainly caused in childhood through bullying this progressed when I lost two children to Hydrops which was untreatable. I have four children who are perfectly healthy. Anyone else suffer with this added to depression and anxiety which are a completely separate post???
I can't go on like this I'm 31 and a mess it's unfair to my family. I really want to become a writer all the info on my girls Hydrops is here:
www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/miscarriage-stillbirth-loss-child-boards-548/miscarriage-stillbirth-loss-child-49/205043-stillbirth-my-hydrops-baby-all.html&ved=0ahUKEwiS5b29_J_YAhUrCsAKHfNeDSsQFghgMA4&usg=AOvVaw0YVHdeX-FY4xsAgpabB11y
Lovely to meet you all.
Thanks
Jo

Sorry you've had no reply. This board is generally pretty quiet. I read your thread and am so sorry for the loss of your daughters. Can't really help but just wanted to leave you . Hope you and family are giving a lovely Christmas.

Thankyou for your very kind response, I hope you and your family have a great Christmas too.

What does your GP suggest? xxx

There’s so much pain in your post. It’s your coping mechanism, picking, isn’t it? Do you have someone you can talk about it all, your mom perhaps? I think you know you should see gp for drepression and anxiety. It’s such a cliche but it sounds like you could do with therapy. I think that writing is a brilliant idea and it can be very therapeutic.
Hope you are having a lovely Xmas with your beautiful children

Hi, and thank you again for your kind words. I have spoken to my gp and they have provided skin tests which came back as eczema. This is not eczema, my skin feels like I have ants continuously crawling, it's on my moles which have scabbed and I have ripped off, it was in my hair, my ankles and my back. I have rang the gp and asked for help they provided me anti depressants which don't seem to be working. I am supposed to have a scan on my back and legs as I was having sharp shooting pains making it painful to walk and sit.
IAPT was who they referred me to and I tried CBT therapy in 2015 again I wasn't taking much in I was pregnant with my daughter and my anxiety was in overdrive and then my picking became worse.

I will attempt this again but I am getting to a stage when I feel I won't be able to stop. I don't want my kids to see me like this and it's preventing me from swimming or wearing short sleeves when it's sunny - not that we have much good weather here.

Thanks
Jo

Aw Kittykat, i pick too, and pull out my hair. My face is usually where i pick so i have plenty of marks and scabs at any one time and i have bald patches on my head, eybrows and very sparse eyelashes. Its hard and i also find this time of year unbearable. I can sympathise with the itching too especially at night, it does feel as though insects are crawling all over me.
That saying, its not nearly as bad as it used to be a few years ago, after managing to find out one of the doctors at my surgery is more clued up on depression than any of the rest of them. My own doctor is useless with MH problems. Maybe find out if there's another dr at your surgery who specialises in this area?
What my doctor did was to get me to do something else when i realised i was picking, not easy as you do it subconciously, but when i did i would go and get everything ready to make a cup of tea. Sounds silly yes? But it was the concentrating on making the tea, getting the pot out, boiling the water, heating the pot etc, almost a tea ritual if you like, to try and get my mind to change its way of thinking ( CBT ) even if it was for that wee while. It doesn't work straght away, but over time it does lessen the picking and hair pulling for me. I also along the way have other little things i've incorporated in to my life to help with the picking and self harming. Ive recently learned to crochet so my hands are kept busier so less picking.
He also put me on another antidepressant at night, one with a mild sedative in it and compatible with my daily antid's to relax me for sleep this has helped reduce the itching and also my restless legs!
I'm still a work in progress obviously, and this time of year is bad for me anxiety, depression and otherwise, and i'll probably still have bad episodes throughout my life, but there is hope, there is ways to help lessen the picking etc, and you are definately not alone!
I lost my daughter at 8 months and she was born sleeping, not through hydrops though. I think what i'm trying to say again is you are not alone in this, there is help somewhere, and even chatting on here is a start. Good luck and you never know both of us might end up scab free at some point in our lives!! I also echo approachingatunnel get writing, get published, and i'll buy you're first book

Aww 5cats I hope u are right, thank you for your reply it meant a lot to know that I am not on my own dealing with this. I can completely understand when u talk about hair pulling. I have a phobia of wet hair and have been through stages when my hair has been that luggy a term not used much - I have literally dragged it out of my head. Mainly when it has been wet but I have done it.

I found that talking to about this stuff with people that understand like urself makes it easier and I'm hoping that we can reach out to more whom have or do suffer. This picking has taken over my life and is effecting my kids and my relationship. My daughter (who survived) has dry skin but if she sees me scratching and I do try not to infront of her or my boys she asks me to stop. It's purely heartbreaking.

I want to stop this it has gone on for far too long but I'm at a loss at how to. Every time my anxiety or depression sets in it's like a safety net to return to.

Thankyou again for your replies.
And I will write a book one day I hope u do all get to read it.
Jo

OK I am at my whits end I promised myself I wouldn't pick and I am failing yet I don't really know why. I am still scratching and looking for a bloody imperfection. Any ideas please!!! I can't keep doing this.