Advice please

[readyforapummelling]

I'm sat in AnE with my DP of 9 years as today he told me he doesn't want to be here anymore.

He has suffered depression and anxiety for the last 4 years with it gradually getting worse over the last 2 months or so.

This morning he was inconsolable, sobbing his heart out and telling me he doesn't see the point in being here and wants to end it. He said he also feels a danger to other people as his temper can flare suddenly.

I've managed to convince him we need to seek urgent help and now we are in AnE waiting for triage.

What can I expect to happen? Will they section him? I just want him to get the help he needs but have no idea how to go about it or where this path today is going to lead.

Hiya, I'm sorry you've had no replies and are going through this, what happened? How is your partner doing now?

Thanks for the reply. He got referred to the MH team on site and we saw a psychiatrist for a good hour whilst he asked questions etc. He is being referred for a menagerie of therapies and had his medication reviewed.

They decided that his depression has been poorly managed by his GP as he has been on the same dose of Sertraline for 2 years without being invited for a meds' review and every time he asked for help they didn't offer referral, just tried to sign him off work for 6 months.

He is OKish now, he said he doesn't feel a danger to himself so I'm just looking after him as best I can and encouraging him to keep me up to date with how he is feeling.

They said they have to inform SS of the nature of his visit as we have a 10 month old so that's worrying me a bit but I can't see them having any concerns as she is very well looked after and loved to bits. He is a great dad, just very sad at the moment.

I will make sure he attends all his therapy and help him as best I can. I feel awful for him, we have a great life and he just can't enjoy it because he is stuck in a black hole of despair.
We will get there in the end!

You sound like a wonderfully loving and supportive partner so thankyou from another MH sufferer on behalf of your partner, in case he’s not able to say it right now. I’m so glad the emergency psychiatrist was able to set up some (hopefully) effective interventions, fingers crossed the waiting lists aren’t too long. It gives me hope that it would be worth presenting in a crisis - I should tell DP that - because if/when we get that low we believe that there’s nothing they can do to help anyway. Shocking that the GP hadn’t asked for a review in 2 years. Had he not been referred for CBT even (or encouraged to self-refer)? Appalling care. The GP should be reprimanded for that, I know they’re overworked, but how can you prescribe for someone you haven’t even spoken to in 2 years, how on earth can you judge that the medication is still appropriate for them. And if you need to be signed off work for 6 months surely a referral to secondary care would go along with that! You wouldn’t sign someone off for a physical illness without making sure they see the specialist they need to actually get better. I’m fuming on your behalves OP.

Take care of yourself too and seek out any support you need. I’ve not been in your position but I see the weight my partner has on his shoulders when I’m not well and it isn’t easy. The most amazing things he does are simple things like take over cleaning the house, make me dinner, do tasks that need doing and I feel too overwhelmed to even contemplate. Basically permit me to not have to manage my own life admin for a bit, and encourage me to just do things that keep my mind calm and occupied.

Merry xmas to you both, hope you can have a peaceful time together.

Thank you for your lovely message, it means a lot.
I can't believe his GP either, I know they're busy but he has asked for outright help numerous times. He is making an appointment on Weds to speak to the GP about what's been going on and making sure all his referrals have gone through. No CBT offered in the past, no nothing. He started on Citalopram 10mg six years ago increasing to Sertraline 50mg, then crept up to 200mg daily two years ago and stayed there.

It's just so upsetting seeing him the way he is at the moment, he kept saying "I'm broken" and it just made me feel helpless.
He has perked up a little over the past two days so I think it did him some good speaking to somebody and getting the ball
Moving.
AnE were fabulous about it, I didn't know if we was in the right place but they assured me they would help. As soon as he started saying he wanted to end it that was the only place I could think of to go.

I should have noticed how low he has been the past few weeks, I just thought he had the Xmas stress/grumps like myself trying to get everything sorted in time. He just keeps his feelings quiet until it's too late and he spirals. I've asked him to keep me updated on his frame of mind or even to write it down if he doesn't feel able to sit and talk to me about it.

Despite all this we have had a lovely Christmas and are now knackered after trying to keep up with an over excited 10 month old.

Thanks again for replying, it's really helpful to hear from your perspective. Hope you have had a lovely Christmas Day!

I am sorry your husband has had an ineffective GP. I am not in the medical profession, but having spoken to people who are, I believe patients suffering from depression should have regular blood tests to check vitamin levels, especially B,D and even folic acid levels. From what I hear GPs rarely check this so it may be worth asking about if you haven't already.

Additionally, www.nhs.uk/news/mental-health/depression-blood-test-could-lead-to-personalised-treatments/ is an interesting read with regards to blood tests and depression. Early days yet but could also be something you ask about.

If you are not happy with you GP log a complaint and find another.

I am glad you have had a lovely day and hope everything starts to look up in the long term soon.

That's very interesting to know, thank you! I will ask his GP tomorrow to run some bloods and see what they say.
When I was suffering with PND my GP was amazing, prescribed medication and recommended support groups etc. The citalopram made all the difference and I felt like myself in no time.
What do you think will happen on the SS front? I don't mind them getting in touch/calling round as I know they are there to help. I just feel odd being on their radar when DD lives the life of Riley.
Also my partner has been looking after our daughter on a weds whilst I have been at work, do you think I should cancel this for a while and arrange alternate childcare? I know that's a vague question as it's hard to say without a good insight of the situation but WWYD? He is not a danger to our DD but I'm worried it might be too much pressure for him?
Sorry to keep pestering you all, this threads helping me help him

Morning! I think you have the right attitude towards SS. If they get in contact just be honest and open. Allow them in (if they actually visit) and let them see how well cared for your daughter is. I agree that they will only want to check and possibly monitor the situation and will not be there to cause major disruption. While I understand hearing they have been alerted is a concern I think your mindset, of not to worry about it if possible, is the correct one.

With regards to your husband looking after your daughter, as you say you are the best judge. I would have two issues to think about here: would the pressure at this time be too much for him and if I suggested he shouldn't care for her singlehandedly at the moment would he be hurt and would this damage his current state of mind? My exDH suffered with mental health issues including depression and anxiety. We didn't have a child, so I appreciate this is not really comparable, but we did have a dog we had had since a puppy. When I had to leave our home, at his demand due to his escalating violent state of mind, I left the dog as I knew having a responsibility would, for him, be reason to drag himself up and out. His family went to support him every day and later his father commented that having the dog to care for had saved him. As I say, dogs and babies are totally different in terms of responsibility so you would have to do what you think best in that situation. Could you call Mind and see what their advice is with regards to SS and childcare in particular?

Also, could your husband see your GP? They sound much better!

Final though- I know alcohol exacerbated my husband's conditions, especially when he was on Prozac, but around this time of year it was so difficult for him to avoid. We had no alcohol in the house as a rule and he had a reply ready, that he was on antibiotics so couldn't drink, if anyone pressed the issue. Hiding his illness from the wider world was at his insistence BTW, not mine. Is he avoiding alcohol and if necessary can you support with this?

Just wanted to quickly add that if your husband is receptive first port of call should obviously be talking with him and seeing how he feels about caring for your daughter alone at the moment. Would he like someone to drop by to support, for example? If he is not receptive to a conversation like this then you may have to think about childcare options as, to me, that would be an indicator he may not be able to cope at the moment. My husband was never receptive to conversations about his mental health.

Really sorry to add another point- don't want to give bad advice! Just wanted to make it clear that I, like you, think your daughter's safety and well-being must come first. I read back over my posts and realised I hadn't made that clear.

Let us know what happens at the GP's appointment if you can. X

Hiya Penelope, thanks for taking the time to post. I will speak to him regarding childcare, I'm off this week so gives me some time to make preparations either way. His mum usually pops round during the day too and she is aware of the situation so I will see what she thinks too, She is alright is MIL.

He doesn't drink alcohol at all- it massively exacerbates his depression and he stopped drinking after an incident with one of his friends a couple of years ago. Police were involved and it all got nasty so no more booze.

I'm trying to keep him busy as it's when his mind is unoccupied that he seems worse.

I will let you know what happens with the GP tomorrow. Thanks for this support, it's nice to have somewhere and someone to talk to about it.

So we went to the GP this morning and it went really well. They have started him on Mirtazapine instead of Sertraline and chased up the referrals. He is having anger management and counselling so fingers crossed once everything is combined he will start to see a massive difference in the way he is feeling.
He saw a different Gp today to the one he is used to but that can't be a bad thing considering how long he has been fobbed off with "take 6 months out of work".
Will keep updated. Thanks for all your advice it's been helpful for me to have an output.

That sounds positive. It is incredible the difference an understanding GP can make. Please do keep us updated. I wish you and your family all the best.