Gas lighting survivor - does life get any easier?

[iamnotwhat]

I escaped a longterm relationship nearly two years ago, having been gaslighted for 15 years. After I left him I was full of energy for a few months, but ever since then I have felt totally drained. I find that I'm now so exhausted all the time that I'm unable to keep on top of the housework.

As well as that, I just seem to be ill all the time. I've recently had a complete change of direction in career, but it's been thwarted by illness which I suspect is somehow connected with periods of stress.

I have very little money and no family nearby - but have two amazing children who I try to do the best for.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really. I just need to know if what I'm feeling is 'normal' after what I've been through. And if anyone's got any suggestions on how i can get myself over/through it I'd love to hear. I'm at my wit's end.

Also - I wasn't sure where to post this. I hope this is the right place

Sorry you haven't had any replies. I haven't been through what you have but just wanted to say well done for getting to where you are today. Despite the circumstances you have raised two lovely children, which can't have been easy.

With regards to your health I would visit your GP, if you haven't already. You may be anaemic or might have thyroid problems or possibly have nothing physically wrong but you just need time to recover from all you have been through.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that really and that I hope you have had a wonderful Christmas with your children!

I agree. And I imagine the illnesses and tiredness are related to stress. Why don't you see your GP, get some tests done, maybe ask for a referral for counselling?

Its hard it took me a long time to get over my abusive marriage. It's a struggle reading too much into everything never trusting people and feeling so many things wondering if you did wrong.
I won't lie 10 years on I still have issues but I have just had the most amazing Xmas day worth my show and 3 dcs it will get better and if you need to chat ease do pm me I'd love to help any way I can.

It really is a hard thing to overcome.
For a long long time and still to this day i find things "ping" in my head and i realise yet another head fucking moment by him.
I still really struggle with decision making, trusting people and over analysing things people say or do.

It is as if you are more hyper aware of everything, constantly. At least it feels that way for me.

Therapy and acceptance of the damage has helped massively. Just knowing that my thought process may be behaving how it is due to the abuse helps me at least try to think an alternative thought over specific things that may be causing me bother mentally/emotionally.

Dont forget to check in with yourself to notice just how far you have come. Sometimes when things seem to swim along nicely you dont take as much notice as you do when things arent going so smoothly. It is important that you recognise your strengths and achievements, no matter how small they may be.

Battling with your mind is exhausting

Hi, I'm 5 years down the line after a 12 year relationship similar to yours. It's getting easier, but I still get reminders of his behaviour. Like I say it does get easier, but I still struggle to trust others and often feel like I'm putting people out or that I'm being awkward or a nuisance.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to post. to fellow survivors

I'm on antidepressants and having counselling, but nothing seems to help the constant exhaustion. Someone on another thread (I posted in Relationships too) suggested it might be down to adrenal fatigue. I've looked into that and it fits, but unfortunately there's no magic cure - and doctors don't tend to recognise it as a real ailment.

I've had a lovely Christmas with my DC. Hope you all have had a great Christmas too

Hi op, hope things improve for you.

After my ex left me, about 18 months later, I seemed to get sick really easily. In fact, one was age-related (peri menopausal, endometriosis), and one was identified through age-related screening. However, because I was coping with recovering (query PTSD, query anxiety disorder), and was also without a significant other, these problems seemed to me catastrophic and I even found myself thinking 'it's his fault I am going through this'. 🙄

Point being, when the chips are down, things you might have taken in your stride normally become difficult. You might need a few crutches to get you through. And some might say mindfulness/yoga/running/hobbies. These might sound cliched but really just be receptive to things that happily distract you. Note the word happily. If you go to the gym grimly thinking you have to do this, find something nicer and funner and distractier. Best of luck finding your sweet spot, sooner rather than later. New year, new you, and all that jazz.