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Mental health

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Original poster

I think DP is losing the plot and i dont know what to do................

18 replies

tiredandworried · 21/04/2007 22:33

I cant help him, he has talked to people (councillors)but nothing is helping. Its so upsetting, we all love him so much but its like he's trying to drive us away.......to hate him.

Some pretty bad stuff happened some time ago that we have worked through but it will never go away. He needs help to deal with it but i dont know who to ask. He is very unpredictable atm - not violent but hte things he says upset the kids and me, its like he is trying to press the self destruct button to try and punish himself for things that have happened. I am worried about him, we all love hime so much, DD asked me today why daddy shout and was upset..............all i could say was daddy needs out cuddles right now, he doesnt mean to be angry, he is just very tired, didnt know how to explain to her and i dont want any of the kids to be wary of his moods as that will just make him feel even more responsible. If he feels he is making the kids sad it would devastate him. .........just dont know what to do, he is so jeckyll and hyde atm

OP posts:

paddingtonbear1 · 21/04/2007 22:48

not sure what to suggest but very for you. it must be very hard. Has he been to counselling?

Original poster

tiredandworried · 21/04/2007 22:52

Yes, but they dont know what to say they just listen.............

he is so worried and so confused, but it all comes out the wrong way, whats the saying "you hurt those you love the most"

OP posts:

MissGolightly · 21/04/2007 23:07

I don't know what to suggest but have so much sympathy for you and your kids. And your DH. Can you talk to the doctor on your own behalf? Explain that you are finding him difficult to deal with and ask if there is anyone YOU can speak to?

sunnysideup · 21/04/2007 23:23

I'm not an expert but is it possible he needs a different type of counsellor, something more 'practical' like cognitive behavioural therapy, which helps people to recognise their own behaviours and identify strategies to help.

He could talk to his GP about this.

Keep communicating with him all the time, keep the channels open so that he doesn't isolate himself too much...it's so hard. i feel for you.

Perhaps talk to him about him trying to recognise when he feels he is going to shout or say things; he could leave the room for time out rather than stay with you and shout.

fussymummy · 21/04/2007 23:38

I think what you said to your children was the best way to make them understand.

What was it that has made him like this?

I fully respect you if you don't want to say on here, but it might make it easier to give advice if i knew what he needed help with?

lisad123 · 21/04/2007 23:50

maybe he needs to see a phschologist or phstrist (I cant spell in case you didnt know
A councillors will only listen but these might be able to help more. Its so good your supporting him. Good luck

Malaleche · 21/04/2007 23:56

Dont want to pry but are you the poster who's DP had been abused as a child? If so maybe he could help a charity for other abused kid as a sort of therapy...sorry if completely off target...

Original poster

tiredandworried · 22/04/2007 07:34

thankyou for all your responses.

I have had Cognitive behavioural therapy, 6 months (courtesy of work) as a result it helped immensely. If i hadnt i dont think i would be here now. I am in control of my own feelings and can support DP.

Its like standing on the shore and watching him drown though. I need to know if there is any way i can get a similar type of therapy for DP by getting self refered.

Sunny you are absolutely bang on with your coments, as i was typing he had gone for a long walk, he came back a bit chilled out and we could talk. That worries me though as the time before when he went for a walk he walked to a really high bridge and sat there for a hour. He came home and cried, he had, had a picture of the kids on his keyring which stopped him jumping. He says he felt like he didnt deserve to be here and if he wasnt things would go on. He knows we would be upset and would miss him but would eventually be better with out him.

Thankfully i managed to convince him otherwise, he isnt an attention seeker this is the sadness talking, I was where he is now about 2 years ago, I know what it feels like to feel like its all closing in on you.

He wasnt abused as a child, I cant even begin to explain what has happened this post is long enough. but in a nutshell one of our older kids is doing over 10 years for something. but my post isnt about that, my post is about finding something to help my DP, i love him so much and our lo's do too, but they cant see him like this. He needs help, he is a big man in character and stature and when he "goes" it is intimidating, not for me because i know he wont hurt it is the sadness that does it. They dont understand and i know they dont like it even though im there to try and explain.

Whare help can i get quickly for him (im talking in the next couple of weeks)

OP posts:

dinahmoemum · 22/04/2007 08:34

What does your GP say? Can she/he arrange an urgent referral for you? COuld you afford to pay for therapy? It is sometimes the only way to get a quick appointment.

dinahmoemum · 22/04/2007 08:38

Forgot to say, many therapists offer sliding fee scales as well so depending on your financial circumstances you might not have to pay the full fee. Ask your GP if they can recommend a good counsellor or visit one of the accrediting body websites.

sunnysideup · 22/04/2007 16:37

Your GP is definitely the first port of call. Would you DH agree to you going in with him - because you may be able to explain his difficulties better than he can.

Also, one thing that is well worth looking into is whether your area has an Advocacy Service; they are specifically set up to help people with mental health problems to speak up for themselves and find the help they need; they can take things on for your dh rather than him having to do it for himself. A good Advocacy service won't question whether he is 'officially' diagnosed with something; if someone approaches them and feels they need their help, that's good enough.

You should be able to ask your local social services office for the name of the local mental health advocacy service (they are nothing to do with social services though - independent).

From your posts it sounds as if your DH definitely needs some help. I wonder if there are any agencies local to you who help and support families of prisoners - you could phone your local probation service for information.

Best of luck, it's so sad to hear that you're struggling with this situation. x

Original poster

tiredandworried · 25/04/2007 07:37

Well i have made him an appointment to see CBT..............havent told him yet, will pick my moment.

I woke up this morning to find a note
"im sorry dont know what to do, its all my fault"

Raced back upstairs to check he was ok, he said, oh take no notice, i was just feeling a bit low last night!! Jeckyll and hyde!!

I wish i could have been there forhim last night, really he is not an attention seeker he is very much a mans man iykwim.....this breaks my heart to see this happening, and there isnt a damn thing i can do about it.

I hope this councelling CBT helps....he will go if i pick the right moment to tell him. God what a bloomin mess

OP posts:

Original poster

tiredandworried · 25/04/2007 10:24

oh bugger..........now im in work bloody worrying...............this is no good whatsoever.

OP posts:

Original poster

tiredandworried · 25/04/2007 12:00

Right am going home....................this is doing my head in.

OP posts:

onlyjoking9329 · 25/04/2007 12:33

he needs to see a doctor, sounds like it could be depression.
how much awareness does he have about his moods and the impact they have on you all.
have you and your family been offered any support re your son?
wished i could help you more

Original poster

tiredandworried · 25/04/2007 13:28

I think its more than depression, its a pure guilt trip, he feels responsible. (he isnt btw) but as a parent he worries about everything.......and thinks things would be far easier if he wernt here to mess things up.

Well ive booked the appointment i can do no more than that. except keep my eye on his moods. I have had support and i am a very strong person our other children have had a tough time but they deal very well with it. We talk a lot and they always come to me when they are thinking about stuff.

I just worry about DP. yknow he really is a rock to everyone outside, but to me i know he is so vulnerable. Hes not a coward but he really does think he should disappear sometimes and then things would be easier all round.

OP posts:

milou2 · 27/04/2007 13:08

Hi, I too am checking on where my DH is through the day. Thinking of you.

NappiesGalore · 13/05/2007 17:45

hi - just read this thread... how you doing now tiredandworried?

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