Dc both at uni
Love my dc v much but had v much looked forward to having time with dh as we really needed this after tough few years - lost touch with each other a great deal , doing things around and for dc . Etc .
Feel guilt to say that when last dc went to uni we were really pleased - we got on so well - had more time and energy for each other . Like not been in years .
Dd has been ill at uni most of time . She has not had good experience and of course I've asked if she wants to defer etc .
However my heart has totally sunk
Followed by stress , anxiety and now anger at feeling that another person will control what my life will be like in that I will get lots quality time w dh or we will have a young adult back full time again boyfriend round etc etc .
I know it's selfish but dh and I have not been so happy in years . My dh and I feel really not great now as we are tense and feeling the loss of what we had .
Embarrasssed to say I'm feeling really down and powerless - we so needed some time . Aware that this not the norm and we were ' supposed' to feel empty nesters . But in fact we want an empty nest and need space . Dd needs lot company e.g. Am asked to go for family walk , back one hour ... can we watch family film . I feel that I need time with dh in the house pottering and chilling . Often her b f sits with us too . I know a lot of people would think this is nice . I don't tho and whilst I feel guilt that I don't I also feel low and suffocated .
I know we can nip out for a drink but we had the best few weeks of our marriage in the weeks we were by ourself and I feel like I have no autonomy now if dd gives up uni and I don't know how to even look neutral never mind happy about it . Am in such an angry mood born of sadness . Dh is avoiding me anyway . Of course I will put dd need first - I'm just struggling at cost to me .