This is probably gonna be a rant, pre warning.
My mum is the best mum in the world, I literally don't know how I would cope without her. She's fantastic. I moved out June this year and she was distraught but I'm building a life with my partner. I see her as much as I can, like nearly daily. I love spending time with her because she's also my best friend. Since being pregnant I've gone from coping silently and rather well with suspected mental health issues, anxiety, depression and intrusive thoughts. Literally no one knew until a few months ago. I presume my pregnancy hormones have made it a thousand times worse. I've been having suicidal thoughts even though I don't want to die. I have everything to live for, but they get into my head and it's all I think about. Death is always on my mind. My mum doesn't know this part coz it would ruin her. But she came with me to a midwife appointment a few months ago and my midwife asked how I was and I just broke down completely and she set up a meeting with positive steps for me. These things take time so I've only had one appointment but am glad something is finally happening. Theyve diagnosed me officially with severe depression, anxiety and OCD (which i never properly understood till now) I want to get better and I don't really want loads of people knowing. So currently the only people that know are: my mum, my sister, brother, step dad and partner.
My brother has exactly the same but his is more obvious he has nervous ticks and is worse than me in social situations. My mum has now taken this as being her fault. She thinks that it's the way she's brought us up! My sister seems very healthy mentally and when asked she says she's absolutely fine. Shown no warning signs.
I've tried explaining to mum that it's probably more genetic and it isn't her fault at all and these things can't be helped. That she is a fantastic mum and she honestly did amazing bringing us up. I try to hide it from her still but I had a panic attack in a shopping centre when I was with her the other day and I ended up passing out I got into such a state. I really try my best for this not to happen but I just have no control. She's really really upset and I don't know how to convince her that it's not her fault!! I feel awful. She always knew my brother had problems but now because both of us have problems she feels responsible :(