DH has bipolar, aibu to want him to work?

[MrsZombieMum]

DH has been bipolar (diagonised) for 3 years now... on 4 types of meds.. not been manic for ages and ages. I am the only one who works, we have 2DSs. AIBU to want / expect him to work? Not fulltime, but anything to help. This is the 3rd xmas /year i've paid for everything on a part time nhs wage. I pay for it all, bills, food holidays etc... I dont want to put him under any pressure... but Im under a lot of pressure too and thought that at husband and wife we'd share lifes stress & Pressures...
So, does biopolar mean that he will never work again? And that he, my DSs and I are destined to a life of poverty and me saying no to my DSs and DH all the time cos I cant afford haircuts, treats or anything!

I feel for you. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Does he feel he could do any job? What kind of support would he need? If not now, can he imagine working again in 6 months? 12 months?

My cousin has bipolar and has worked on and off. Part time suits him best. Different set of problems for him as he lives alone, no partner or kids, so needs the routine of work.

Yeah unfortunately GPs aren't much help with bipolar - I think it's too specific for them to do anything other than refer to a specialist. But it's good that he's going to see his MH team (despite the infuriating waiting times - you wouldn't be expected to wait 6+ months to get someone to take a look at your broken leg - but that's a rant for another time).

It doesn't sound much but what keeps me going is knowing that he knows it's hard for me too, and that he's actively working on getting back to whatever version of 'normal' is going to work for us in the future.

Does your husband get PIP? If his MH condition means he feels unable to work, it's worth looking into (but not easy to get). Are you getting tax credits?

Yanbu!
So hard on you OP
Can you get some counselling together & discuss how you're feeling?

My best friend has bipolar, she’s been diagnosed for over 20 years and it’s so awful watching her family struggle, her dh worked part time until recently, friend is really struggling atm, to the point she can’t be left alone, which means her dh needed time off and has lost his job as a result, when her meds need changing she has to wait months for appointment as GP won’t / can’t tamper with them.

She’s been like a zombie the last month, she is keen to work and has tried for years and years, as soon as they find out she has bipolar and learn how often she gets unwell they lose interest, which makes her more stressed, she’s been very unwell since feb this year and said an employer won’t employ her knowing she will most likely be off for several months a year, especially when meds need altering.

Feel for both you and your DH

I have bipolar disorder, and am currently able to work full-time (have been doing so for the past three years in this current job).

I do usually need to take a couple of sickness periods off each year (3-5 days at a time) plus the occasional day - which isn't ideal, especially as I haven't declared my condition to work. But its seems to have worked so far. I get good feedback and have recently been promoted. I have to square the slightly shitty sickness record with the fact that I HAVE to manage myself when I feel an episode may be likely and it has (the last three years, anyway) warded off any major depression or (in my case) hypomania. So needs must.

It's not easy. There are weeks that go by when I find working very, very tough. But it has also been the making of me in many ways, as the routine helps me regulate my sleeping and eating and self-care, which all help to keep me stable.

In the past I have had major episodes where I couldn't work for up to a year at a time, though. I have got past them eventually, but it hasn't been easy. The pressure on my DH has been immense at times.

I feel for you both, OP. There are no easy answers, but I would say that your DH shouldn't give up the idea of work entirely. It can be a really positive thing for those of us with BP.