My mum tried to kill herself

[Tisfortired]

Good evening everybody. First post but regular lurker and have seen the brilliant advice that can be offered on here. Please help because I am struggling. Also if anybody ha experienced of similar let me know.

Last week my mum tried to commit suicide by overdosing. My auntie rung me at work to tell me it had happened, that she was alive (just.) Basically she has got herself into a mountain of debt and it all got on top of her. She lives alone since divorcing my dad a few years ago and one small loan turned into a bigger one which snowballed.

This isn't the first time she has done it I should say, she did similar last year, only difference being last time she called my Grandad (her dad) in a panic before she fell unconscious. This time she didn't. She went and bought the pills, locked herself in, wrote us each a note.

She spent 5 days in hospital, has done some damage to her liver but they have let her out and she is staying with my grandparents. I am just struggling so much with it and everybody is acting like nothing has happened, that she was hospitalised with a bit of a cough or something and moving on.

I can't stop thinking about it. My mum is my best friend. She was a single parent for most of my life and we are so close. We talk on the phone every day and she dotes on my son. She has no distinguishable mental illness (although she has agreed to work with the mental health team this time, she insists it was circumstantial RE the debt and isn't mentally unwell.) she is a confident and educated woman, she takes care of herself and is popular with many friends. I suppose what I am trying to get at is it just such a shock, and it hurts so much to think of the pain she must have been in that night, to think of her writing the notes. I had to go and get her some things from her flat for the hospital and in her room pills and sick everywhere, that image will stay with me forever.

I saw her today for the first time since she left hospital on Saturday morning, and she seems like herself, but I am so so scared she will do it again. After last time I was able to process it because she regretted it and contacted somebody, this time she didn't. I am worried she feels her plan was thwarted and will try again, I obsessively check her 'last seen' on whatsapp to check on her.

I am so sorry for the long post I just don't know how to get over this

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Your mother must have been in a very dark place and I think you are quite right that it is unhealthy to pretend all is well. The darkness will not have lifted simply because she has been treated physically.

I would guess that you are still in shock, or at least wafting in and out of shock. It must be very painful.

Don't expect to "get over" this, you need to try to accept that it has happened and it will always be a very sad and traumatic episode in your life.

This is going to sound daft but try it. Let your shoulders drop and breathe deeply for a minute or so. While you're doing this, tell yourself, "This has happened." Let the feelings come, whatever they are. If you let yourself have the feelings, you can begin to process them. It's actually a lot more comfortable than trying to "cope".

I would suggest professionalism support for yourself as what has happened to you is huge and there is a lot for you to deal with.

With regards to your mother, possibly start by writing her a letter telling her how much she means to you and what (if any?) support you'd like to offer her - perhaps helping her find a debt management service, accompanying her to appointments.

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