Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

[donotcallmemad]

Hello everyone

I came across this term a little while ago and have started reading this

I can relate very much with the two versions of things in my head - one saying I am making a big deal of things, it wasn't that bad, I have embellished stuff, I need to just move on etc. And the other saying that things were awful, that I didn't deserve that treatment, it wasn't my fault and I need to be kind to myself, and let myself remember things in order to heal.

I feel like there are so many other memories that I have repressed, that some very terrible things happened to me. Its more of a feeling than a memory - I can't really explain it.

I wondered if anyone has had experience with this disorder, if they have overcome childhood trauma and if so - how? I suppose I would just like to open a dialogue, maybe it will help me (and others on here) to come to terms with stuff.

Thanks to anyone in advance for any replies x

Hi,

I have some experience of this.

I’m not feeling that great at the min and don’t have it in me to type a full response but feel free to PM me and I’ll reply later or tomorrow.

A good book to read about dissociative disorders is The Stranger in the Mirror. It’s a bit American in parts but is very helpful and should hopefully explain a lot more for you about dissociative disorders.

Take care xx

Thanks, Hello

I am in the same position as you, hence not replying for ages (I have been avoiding MN, sometimes it doesn't agree with me) and also I have been wanting to forget about all this. But it's always there, so here I am!

Thank you for the book recommendation, I will get it on my kindle.

I just wanted to say thank you for your reply...I don't have the energy to type out all my thoughts, and I also can't seem to (ever) find the words...

My friend feels similar to you, but Borderline Personality Disorder is the term being thrown around by his CPN and the Crisis Team we spoke to in hospital last month. He is seeing a psychiatrist next week for a diagnosis and medication (hopefully!). Have you had a diagnosis? Could you see your GP?

I have no experience with the disorder, but if you like self help type books, I found The Presence Process from Michael Brown very helpful for moving through some emotional stuff.

Carolyn also has a website - positive outcomes for dissociate survivors and I believe it has a safe chat area/forum

Sending kindness your way

If you are in London try and see someone in the Tavistock Trauma Service... They are fabulous.

I don't have diagnosis of DID but do have a diagnosis of DD-NOS with some features of DID (this is largely because I haven't quite shared some features I suspect rather than them not being there...)

PODS is a great website, Mind also have some information as well. First Person Plural is good as is the Tag website.

Most people who have DID usually have a BPD diagnosis prior to being correctly diagnosed - there is a good diagram that explains complex trauma and BPD difference and similarities.

Oh, and you should also read - Your body Keeps Score (or knows) - it's fab.

Thank you everyone, I wasn't expecting any more replies!!

Reading and making notes.

TheBigSky, thanks so much for recommendations, yes I am in London.
There are lots of unrecognised acronyms in your post, would you be able to give a quick explanation? I am also off to google them :)

Blue - thanks for the heads up on the chat room - I do worry about MN sometimes, I have been outed before and am worried I will be recognised again, so rarely post anymore xx

In case sky doesn't get back

Dissociative disorder not otherwise specified

Pods - positive outcomes for dissociative survivors

Bpd - borderline personality disorder

Thank you Blue. I hadn't googled as yet. A combo of doing work, and something in my head being too scared to google - ridiculous!!

I am going to go on PODS website right now. No excuses...!

YOUR RESULT
Your DES-Taxon score was 10-30. This suggests you have some clinically significant dissociative symptoms. It indicates a low likelihood of a dissociative disorder, but could suggest you might have dissociative symptoms as part of another disorder.

Your SDQ-20 score was 20-25. This number of symptoms can be found in the general population but also in people with other disorders. This indicates a very low likelihood of a somatoform or dissociative disorder.

I think I might be one of those people who play down symptoms though...

Are you getting help in real life to help you?

Hi blue, no I'm not getting any help. I do a lot of reading - have read about abuse, relationships, boundaries, narcissists, sociopaths, the "good girl syndrome" and now DID, - some of the things that I have encountered through life. Not sure what good it does but I think it has helped me.

I have had counselling - 2 sets. But they were free and they ended before making any real progress and I can't afford to do any more.

Sorry posted too soon...

I am not sure what other help I can get, or whether I actually need it IYSWIM? I am not sure how this effects my everyday life.

I do sometimes lose sleep thinking and remembering stuff
I have a very hard time trusting
I have a fairly pessimistic view on life - my wonderful DP, who I have been seeing for 2 years now - I still think it will all go to shit. Because this is my experience of life.

I guess I could use some help!!

Do you have a local primary care mental health service? If you disclose all the difficulties to them they may "bump you up" to more intense therapy (psychologist?)

Blue - I will look into it, thank you. TBH I feel scared of therapy, before I left my last councilor we started touching upon things. I was actually relieved that the sessions were ending. I know, head in sand syndrome...

This is something I will need to overcome I guess!

Really normal to not want to address it. And you don't have to if you don't want to - you can work on symptom management instead if you prefer

I think I would be more comfortable with symptom management at the moment, although not sure how. I am finding comfort in posting on MN (I have started another thread, and joined in another one). I am so grateful to posters who reply. It's just nice to know someone is there, someone is listening, and giving good useful advice too.