For the past nine months I’ve been in physical pain most of the time. The docs are stumped as to why so nobody Ian giving me bopenit will get better. The pain interferes with my sleep and my ability to do anything physical.
My question is whether the way I am feeling is a normal reaction to pain or whether it’s depression and could be treated with drugs.
Basically I have an amazingly blessed life, I know that. A loving husband, fantastic kids, a lovely house, a group of interesting and dynamic friends, a career. Everything.
But I struggle to enjoy anything. Just now I was sitting on the sofa with my son snuggled up to me under the Christmas lights. I could see it was a magic moment even as it happened. But I didn’t feel it. I felt stressed by pin and desperate to get to the end of the day.
At work adrenaline courses through my veins constantly. My heart thumps, I sweat, I feel like I’m in fight or flight mode constantly.
When friends ask me out I dread going. I make myself but for days before I fret about it. When there I only enjoy it if I drink. Then it's great but I suffer the next day.
Flicking about on my phone distracts me and is the only time I feel truly relaxed.
I cry several times a day. Either from pain or fear.
I never tell anyone how I feel. DH sort of knows but not properly. I don’t want my fiends to even know about about pain.
I don’t enjoy food anymore. I can’t have sex due to the pain.
I love my life on paper and after events I can look back at them fondly but my experience of each moment is rarely joyful.