Not Waving But Drowning

[saddestcatintheworld]

I am desperately lonely. I am single, one child. Always wanted more. Don't have family nearby. The family I do have are preoccupied with their own lives. I see them from time to time but I feel like I am always hanging off their coat tails, waiting round from them to drop a few crumbs my way. I am embarrassed at how I always jump and say yes whenever they invite me anywhere, I feel like a desperate, hungry child. I have stopped inviting them to things I want to do and to visit me because they always say sorry no as they have this on and that on.

I have lots of friends but no group I belong to. If you knew me, you would think I was bright and cheerful. I smile, wave, chitchat. Then go home and cry. It feels like everyone belongs except me. I am probably a bit over friendly at times, I'm always reaching out hoping for a connection. I know this is what you are supposed to do, reach out. But all it has resulted in is a large network of acquaintances. Everyone seems to have formed their friendship groups already and it is impossible to infiltrate them. Plus I struggle to get out because I can't afford a babysitter.

Basically my life is shit and I am desperately unhappy and alone.

Meanwhile I carry on faking it because I have noone to share my pain with. That's hardly to win me friends, is it?!

Didn't want to read an run OP. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. How old is your LO? Have you talked about how you feel to anyone in your family? It sounds like you are lovely OP 💐

Thanks anon-lots of numbers. Child is 8. I think family know I struggle but also fear they think I am miserable and down and that my company gets wearing. When I do try to show them I am struggling, I feel it puts them off spending time with me. I don;t think they really have any idea the suffocating of being one parent with one child everything we do, everywhere we go. We are a very tight unit of two and love each other but I worry it is not healthy for my child.

I have no idea how to change my name opened my MN account so long ago and can't change it without my password I grew up with my mum as a single parent she had no real friends and only saw relatives sporadically but me and my mum are so close now and I don't think it has effected me socially. I think your possibly being a bit hard on yourself as I think we are our own worst critic as I'm sure your family don't see you as a bit of a pain it maybe just a case of not knowing what to say to make you feel better. Does your LO have a friend she could invite over at Christmas with a parent for a cuppa and a mince pie ect?

It's a good user name, good selection of numbers! ;) Thank you for taking the time to reply, it's made me feel a lot less alone. I do have people I can invite over and like the mince pie and cuppa idea. I host A LOT of my child's friends and these dates get reciprocated so he has a great social life, but that doesn't help me. So I'll try inviting parent and child next time. It doesn't help that most people have more than one child and our place is tiny so it becomes a crush and the neighbours complain at the slightest noise. But perhaps I need to grow a pair and ignore the neighbours.

It's very reassuring to hear of people who have grown up with similar circumstances and especially how close you are with your Mum. She obv did a good job with you! Me and DC are incredibly close which is lovely but the downside is I worry so much about something happening to one of us and the other being left alone.