Social services visiting for my self harm.

[HowRyou]

Hi all, sorry if i'm in the wrong section. Me and my wife had an ongoing issue over a few weeks and i finally cracked and self harmed. My wife called the police because she was worried but i would of just gone to sleep. Anyways, my 7 year old was asleep through all of it and also when the police arrived. She had no idea. Now social services are coming tomorrow and i'm scared they'll say i won't be able to see her anymore. We both love eachother and have a good relationship and she has never seen me self harm ever. I know i need help but this very rarely happens anymore. Last time was over 3 years ago. Does anyone know what will happen?

Thankyou!

I feel like crap. I didn't mean for social services to gets involved. Is my daughter in danger due to my self harm incident? sigh

I overdosed November 2016, had to be admitted overnight for treatment. Because I had young children, A&E notified social services. My children were safe (I left the house, leaving them with their father). Social services rang me to see if I needed support, they also rang the school to speak to the safeguarding officer. School reported no concerns, social services didn't think they could offer anything that I needed (I'd been referred to secondary mental health). They then closed the case, I didn't even have a visit. In my case, they were just looking to see if there was any extra help they could provide.

I don't think they will stop you from seeing your daughter due to self harm. They will want to be sure that you're well supported and that your mental health problems are not affecting your daughter. They will also want to be sure that there are no safety issues, for example if you are self harming using medication, that she cannot access such medication. Or if you are at risk of suicide, for example.

You don't have to say but it might give context if you can state what type of self harm. Just briefly without too much detail (some weirdos about).

Are there any issues of potential abuse within the relationship?

Even worst case scenario if for some reason they deemed you to be a risk to your DD (extremely unlikely for self harm alone) they would likely recommend supervised contact rather than completely banning you from seeing her ever.

Just be honest with ss about everything
They will want to know is your wife able to be the protective parent at times you may be having difficulties. And they may talk about developing a safety plan within the family during difficult times
Your best bet is to fully engage with them and be as upfront as you can

Hope youre feeling better after your recent dip

Hi BertieBotts, me and my wife have a good relationship but we just went through a rough patch for a few weeks. My daughter is a very happy child. I self harmed by cutting the top of my arm. You can't see it if i am wearing a tshirt. To be honest it doesn't concern my daughter at all. I would never let her see me doing something like that. Now i feel like i'm being judged and that i could be a danger to my child which is absolutly crazy!

Hi GreatStar, to be honest the last time i self harmed was 3 years ago and no one knew about. No police called or anything like that. It was just a few cuts. I know it's not normal but i'm pretty normal minus the selfharm.

I think someone mentioned suicide. I would never do that. It would hurt too many people. But i wouldn't do that anyways.

Hi Arion, thanks for your reply. Hope your doing well now.

Hi HowRyou. Your self harming does concern your daughter, I'm sorry to tell you. It concerns everyone that cares about you. I'm afraid it's one of those self destructive habits like alcoholism, or drug addiction, or anorexia, that seem like they only harm the person who they belong to, but actually belongs to a whole family unit, if there is one. It's not a safe or healthy way to relieve how you feel. I'm sorry to say that but I felt that you might need that advice. I would be extremely surprised if SS take any action given the information you have shared today, but you need to get a handle on this, for the sake of your DD. Good luck - I know it isn;t an easy thing to do!

I might move out for a while and see if i can get some help. It's not fair on my wife or daughter. Maybe i'm being selfish being in there life until i sort myself out. Thanks everyone for all your help.

Yes I agree you should move out and get some therapy.
Picking up a knife and cutting yourself to punish your wife for whatever issues u have is very far from normal.
Sorry to sound harsh.

Some of these responses are unnecessarily harsh. Self harm is a symptom of a mental illness. The OP deserves support and help, not to be removed from her home and left alone. She needs the support of her wife and the stability of home environment in order to recover. Moving out increases stress, reduces support.

You wouldn't tell ANYONE to move out because they needed treatment for diabetes or cancer. Don't blame people for having a mental illness that is out of their control.

@bayseyan I agree.

I don't think it's necessarily bad enough you should be thinking about moving out. See what they say in terms of support. Do try and seek help if things are getting to you.

Good luck with everything.

Good morninng.

This happened to me about eight years ago. SS seemed to focus on the fact that I- and my DD (only child at the time, 2yo) had a good support network around us, and whether the child is well cared for. Some of the comments on our report included:

All of us wearing clean, weather-appropriate clothes

DH being on hand if I had "an episode" (their words) and the PIL's living a mile away
The fact that I knew where to access help if needed.

Ps, for all the people saying move out, people will be affected, etc: as a PP said, you wouldn't tell someonr to move out because of a physical illness, so why a mental one? Both of my kids witnessed me having an asthma attack last night, ehich took an hour to get under control! Should I pack my bags now?

I can't speak for all SH's, but I know that quite a few (me included) actually believe, rightly or not, that SHing is a way of NOT affecting other people with their headshit. It may be a warped way of thinking, but it makes sense at the time.

Sorry about the rant.

OP, well done on your three year streak! That takes some doing! (13 months here)

🌷

I imagine they will be chatting with you about your support networks and your plans to move on from here... what help you will seek etc.

You won't be prevented from seeing your daughter. If you think you want to move out for a bit talk about that with them.

Depending on how things came across I the report to social services, they may be exploring whether there's any abuse in you and your partners relationship. You mentioned a rough patch... had that included any fighting, verbal abuse, etc? Sometimes self harm can be linked to that do they may be exploring that with you.

I wouldn't move out in this case.

The thing is, some people do have mental health issues that impact on children and ss need to check out if this is happening. Their job is to make sure the child's needs are met.

Lots of people have mental issues and are still able to parent perfectly well, or with a little bit of extra support.

They're not even going to consider stoping you seeing your child because of a rare incident she didn't witness but they will want to check if you're getting help, how your dd is, that her needs are being met by the set up.

Bloody hell, nothing like empathy for mental illness is there?

Is physical illness 'selfish'?
Or do you just decide to move out till you "decide" to be well again? You know, to avoid harming your kids... because of course daddy suddenly moving out of the family home won't impact a child negatively at all (sarcasm)

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this, OP. We wanted to share Mind's information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the link above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

Oh please dont move out ! I really dont think theres any need for that! It sounds like the trigger for this episode was the stress and issues going on. You were struggling and reverted to your previous coping mechanism which is to cut when you're hurting emotionally. What you are describing sounds superficial cut on your arm but your wife was worried and sought help? Your daughter hasnt been directly impacted and is unaware? Youve no suicidal intentions or idealations. All this is positive.

Its also really positive that you didnt self harm over the last few years, you must have had some other strategy you were using which is great and shows you have strenght to get through this.

Treat this episode as a dip. Just a dip.

Stay strong xxx

Really empathic responses there cos if you got cancer you should move out whilst you have chemo as you'd be affecting your child by being ill.

HowRyou you need to get well, you need to stay with your family but try to minimise the impact on your children. Are you having counselling?

And thank you for asking, I'm doing much better, been seeing a psychotherapist twice weekly since January. There's a lot to work through but I'm getting there.

Thankyou for all your kinds words and tough love. A very nice social worker came and he seemed happy with everything at home. He spoke to us as a couple and then spoke to my daughter alone with the door closed(wasn't too happy as i am very protective). The next step is for them to contact the school and GP. Hopefully they close the case and i will look at getting some help on how to cope better with my emotions.

Thats completely normal and routine for them to speak to the child alone and again just routine to get a quick wee update from school etc
Hope youre reassured a little after the visit