I have had a bad few years with some really crappy things happening. My mum died of cancer as did a close friend a year later. My daughter had a major operation on her hip and was in a body cast for 8 weeks while I had baby twins. My son was diagnosed with a genetic growth disorder and had to have a feeding tube for 18 months. I have to inject him every night and will do until he stops growing. I've discovered I have bone loss (osteopenia) at 40 due to a broken ankle earlier this year. I've managed all of this plus a senior full time job but feel that I have almost been sleep walking through life and just feel numb to things which would be big life events. Added to this is what is fast becoming a very unhappy marriage with a partner who doesn't support me in the way I think he should and financial pressures due to him not working for significant chunks of our relationship, I drink way too much to "relax" at the end of the day. I live on the other side of the world from any family and have little or no support with the children. It feels like I'm just realising the pressure I'm under and that it's not normal. I have no one backing me up. I have no one to rely on if I break down.
I don't know if I'm explaining this well. I've started yoga to try to get some time for me and to get some focus. I have considered whether I have depression or have high stress levels, I've never sought medical advice for me. I've opened up recently to friends and have to confront the relationship issues but have been reflecting on what I know are very poor decisions I have made in relation to money and trying to understand what judgement I was using because clearly they are not what a rational person would do.