Depression or bipolar?

[Rarity75]

I’ve had years of being treated for epoisides of moderate depression which has affected every part of my ability to self care and work.

I’ve recently come back to work after 6 months off, I got medically suspended on Monday. I am erratic, struggling to organise myself, chaotic in my thoughts. I’ve been doing stupid things like leaving the car unlocked and windows open.

I self medicate with binge drinking and food restriction and I spend money I haven’t got. I have periods where I feel like a superhero and am very motivated and then I can seem to finish anything.

I rang the mental health support team last night after seeing the GP who basically upped my citalopram to 40mg. They were really helpful and suggested I should request a referral to mental health services as some of my behaviours could indicate bipolar. I don’t know whether that would be relief or not! I feel like I’m the worst person/mum in the world because I just can’t seem to do ‘normal’. Despite that I’m in a responsible professional job and I have a small number of really good friends.

Had any one else been treated for the wrong thing? If I am bipolar how will that affect me? I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life.

Sorry for the long post

I'm sorrry you're going through this. It does sound to me like you have bipolar. Your CMHT should be able to arrange a diagnosis by a psychiatrist. I personally think a correct diagnosis would be helpful because you will then receive the right therapy and medication. I think your life will start to settle down once you've found out one way or another if you have bipolar. Do you have supportive friends and family? X

My mum is great and I have two friends who are really supportive. DP gets frustrated and complains that I am in my own little world.

Rang GP today and despite only seeing him on Monday I need a telephone appointment to ask for a referral to the mental health team.

I am also on the waiting list for counselling but no availability until Feb.