Am I the only one? I've noticed this for years, thought it had stopped but realised this weekend it hasn't.
It was flagged up in an ASD assessment to do with "coping with change" (not currently diagnosed with ASD, they cant work out if I have it!). But I don't think it's about change, exactly - eg. if someone cancelled on me and someone else (who's company I enjoyed equally) wanted to meet up instead, that'd be fine.
It's more like... if you borrowed money, knowing you could pay it back later but then your income was suddenly stopped so you can't. By getting on with whatever I'm doing that day, getting through it, I'm "borrowing" against future fun time in the evening, so if it doesn't happen I'm fucked.
It's like my default setting, if left alone, is depressed and struggling, but small, regular dollops of socialising and I begin to flourish (for a short while I lived abroad and things were necessarily very sociable - I was in my element!) The really upsetting/infuriating thing is, if socialising is cancelled I can go from feeling like i'm fairly on top of things to hopelessly suicidal and weeping, and need company more than ever, but can't actually tell anyone and it's so frustrating because if the thing hadn't been cancelled no-one would ever know, I'd keep everything in balance and manage, and even feel happy.
Just to add, I'm happy in my own company, just dealing with a lot and sprinkles of fun throughout life are what keep me going. With nice company around I achieve more! But I do need time alone, and the time abroad I mentioned I found myself going out of my way to have a little bit of time alone because I needed it. So it's more about needing dollops of nice time with people to help me keep living a productive life and not sink into deep depression, rather than a pathological need for company 24/7.
Does anyone understand what I mean, or have any advice?