What is this?

[Mermaidblue]

I've name changed.

I am will eventually go to the GP, But I feel that increasingly that a am losing grip on every day reality.

I keep imagining worst case scenarios, but these scenarios are always my fault. I always imagine that I have made massive mistakes, even when I rationalise things and realise that I haven't done anything wrong, I then get paranoid that I must have forgotten the mistake and so it really is my fault. On some days, this goes on and on - all day

I also have this constant fear that something terrible is going to happen and it will be my fault. I fear that these perceived mistakes will have catastrophic consequences on those around me and that will mess up their lives.

Mostly, I feel like a bad and incompetent person, and increasingly, I feel afraid for longer stretches of time. My anxiety is always there. I keep going over events that happened in the past, incessantly trying to remember how it could be my fault. Some times I start to believe imagined wrong doings. I've come to this point now.

What is wrong with me? I have so much good in my life, that I want enjoy, and yet this growing dark cloud just hangs over me.

You sound very much like me. I feel like I am a bad person who deserves these worst case scenarios, and simultaneously a fraud who can't see how good they have it and creates issues where there are none.

I went to the GP very recently, and he was very kind and understanding and didn't make me feel like a lunatic (how I felt about myself, obviously not a descriptor I want to apply to anyone else). He referred me for counselling.

I wish I had the answers for you as this is overwhelming my life at the moment, but I understand what you're saying and appreciate how rubbish it is. A friend once told me anxiety is like a faulty alarm system, overestimating the likelihood of something bad happening and underestimating our ability to deal with it, and that feeling fear does not mean the danger is real. Sometimes I find that thought calming.

Tinydancer - thanks for your reply. Yes, feel like a fraud most of the time. And the fear and anxiety generated by uncertainty has made me step away from so many life affirming experiences and friendships.

I do like your tip on how to view and deal with anxiety. It makes sense.