I'm probably in the wrong place. I was looking for an online friend, I have many "real" friends but I'm too scared to tell them how sad I really am. I wanted to join Friends Net but the registration process is naf. I wrote to Samaritans and when I pressed "submit" the site crashed. Laugh or cry? I guess I'm still alive! I'm fin, I'm happy, or so I have thought. I guess my problem is that I live with somebody who is so fucking miserable. We have been together for 11 years, and it's never been easy. In the beginning I had to tolerate his unbearable jealousy. I guess he got what he wanted, I don't care for lipstick any more, I don't care about my hair. I used to be beautiful, but now I hang my head in shame, I don't even want to pick my children up from school, because I imagine that the other mums are laughing … The only thing that makes sense is the realism that it doesn't matter, I'm 35 and I hand my life over to my children. I am hated. I am nothing.