Hopelessness

[curlygreys]

I think I may have anxiety and possibly depression too but I’m just not sure. I don’t want to have it and I don’t want to go to the doctor. I just want to be happy. Everyday is a struggle and I’m so up and down in my mood. I’m driving myself mad and feel like I’m going crazy- sometimes everything is normal and other times it’s chaotic and overwhelming. I don’t know who I am sometimes. At times I just want to leave and start again somewhere else but all of these feelings wouldn’t go away would they?

I’m not expecting any replies I just needed to moan.

I don’t want people to think that I’m not coping

I don’t want this (whatever ‘this’ is) to be a big deal.

@JJBurnelsBass The problem is I don’t even know what ‘myself’ feels like anymore. Am I the confident, happy, outgoing person I am at work? Am I the quiet and polite Mum in the school playground? Am I the funny, loud person I am when I’m with my family? Am I the person who sits and cries quietly when I’m in the bath? Am I the strong, feisty person I am when I’m with DP? I just don’t know.

I struggle to get up everyday and just want to sit and do nothing at the moment but other times I’m organised and on the go and get everything done.

Everything’s just too much. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now.

It could be you're normal but your surroundings are hectic and overwhelming, in that case what you describe could be a normal reaction to a not so normal situation. But there's too little information here, you've written so little about it. Anyway, one usually isn't "happy" the entire time, happiness comes in short bouts.