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Original poster

I have hit an all time low.

57 replies

Bigfailure · 13/04/2007 21:02

I just feel like I fail at everything in life & I hate myself.
I try to stay as upbeat as I can to everyone around me, but in reality, deep down, this is how I feel about myself & today it has all really got on top of me.
I can't succeed at anything in life, I have failed at marriage, I often fail as a mother & I feel I fail at everything.
Does anyone else get moments like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 00:00

I am trying my best to avoid ASs, PG, but have been on them before.
Am feeling a tiny tiny bit better now though thanks to MN!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 00:00

Should say ADs, not ASs!

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FairyEdwards · 14/04/2007 00:09

I hate myself inside but having children makes doing anything impossible.

Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 00:40

My children are one big thing in life that I haven't failed on! I am proud of both of my boys, even if I am not the best of mothers all the time!

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Londonmamma · 14/04/2007 00:42

You're THEIR mother and that's what counts! xx

Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 00:47

I love my boys to bits, even if I haven't been the best recently.
I won't let my children see when I am struggling in any way.

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Londonmamma · 14/04/2007 00:52

I have boys and I'm always touched by how sweet they can be if I'm sad rather than shouty. Shouty does not bring out their inner good boy!
If I've had a bad day I do tell them and ask them for a hug. Makes me feel better, makes them feel they can do something to make me feel better and helps them develop into people who understand that mum is not superhuman.

Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 09:18

I hugged my boys lots yesterday, but didn't let them see I was feeling sad. My boys are my one big positive in life.

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fransmom · 14/04/2007 12:44

hi big hows you? i'm not sure which thread i met you on before but something sounds vaguely familiar. i know what you mean about the sister thing! she's been in the same job since she left school (or just before), never been unemployed, only changed jobs (still within same company, aprt from last one and then it was a very similar one) once maybe twice and still manages to smell of something nice!! whereas, me, the job i'm in now is the longest i've been able to hold down ajob, i've been unemployed more times than i can count but i've been at college (pre-dd - way before her!) so i've never been
dole-idle. my sister may well see me as a failure but you know what? it's taken me a long time to see that i'm not - we've just had different lives and different opportunities.

the only failure is a failure to try.

you keep trying your best so you are still not a failure. i think that where we feel that we're not doing our best for our children, even though we may be, reminds us that we try again next time. i've not said that too well so i hope you understood what i was trying to say

fransmom · 14/04/2007 12:46

ps i sometimes let dd see whan i'm sad so that she knows, like the other lady's children, that sometimes mommy doesn't feel too good but i always tell her that iwill be better soon and that seems to help her after she's given me a big hug. you're quite welcome to cat me then i can email you back if you wish

Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 18:00

Won't add any details of where we have spoken before, FM, because I don't want to be recognised in this pathetic way, but we have spoken before.
I have felt a little more on top of things today & much less tearful. I just feel like my sister always does right in life & she's everything I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that my sister got her new job & that she is happy (she has gone on her hols today too), it's just that I have always felt that she is the one who has always got it right & made my parents proud, whereas I am just nothing but a failure through & through!

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ontheslipperyslopeagain · 14/04/2007 18:06

i am sure your not a bigfailure at all, its just when our minds are fixed on negativity nothing ever seems to be going right.

I hope you feel better soon.

Londonmamma · 14/04/2007 18:24

If that's how you feel then it's your parents who have a lot to answer for!

Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 18:26

I guess you're right about the negativity thing, and up until very recently I have seemed to cope very well.
I am not generally a misery & to others around me I seem to cope just fine, it is just the way I feel deep inside, and over the last week or so it has got to me a lot & really brought me down.

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Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 18:31

My separation is the ultimate failure in my parents eyes, it really is.

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maisydaisy · 14/04/2007 18:39

You've got to focus on the positive. It sounds like you have wongerdfl children and that is because you are a good mother. Deciding that a relationship is over is a very brave thing to do. Even if it seems impossible to get through at the moment it does get better.

Original poster
Bigfailure · 14/04/2007 18:48

I do try to focus on the positive & not allow everything to get the better of me, I really do. I am trying to stop myself sinking right now, but I do feel like one big failure & I wish I could do something right. I am probably pre menstral, so ignore me!

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fransmom · 15/04/2007 12:54

hi big, that's fair enough i was only saying that i thought i remembered you but wouldn't have done anything as crass and stupidly unfair as outed you or anything like that .

i hope you had a good night's sleep, sometimes that can really help. i was down yesterday and felt like i was slipping into pnd again which made me feel worse(!) so i went outside with dd and chatted with the neighbours and felt slightly better.

maybe you need to talk to your doc or hv ( if you're one of the mn'ers who actually get on with your hv!)

((((((((((((big))))))))))))))

Original poster
Bigfailure · 15/04/2007 18:43

Thanks, FM, I will CAT you soon & explain where we spoke before. It wasn't on a depressed thread though.
My HV does visit me from time to time & she is very good. I am also having counselling, but am not on ADs atm.
Glad to hear that you managed to lift your spirits yesterday. I always find it helps me to get out of the house & see friends when I feel low.

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FloatingLikeALeadBalloon · 16/04/2007 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fransmom · 17/04/2007 21:14

flalb - that's a good point maybe, big, it might help at some point if you can see things like that? maybe they were / weren't but things aren't right for you there from teh sound of things.

it's easy enough for me to say but all single moms should be proud of themselves - even though they get a bad press, i'm sure that the greater part of them do a stirling job bringing up their children.

i don't think i said that too well so i hope you all understand!

Original poster
Bigfailure · 19/04/2007 00:25

Some very positive points there, Floating. It sounds like you have done really well & I am sorry you're going through a low patch right now.

FM - I have not yet experienced the true effects of single parenthood - that is all to come! I do worry about coping etc, because sometimes I really find it all a struggle right now... but I will do it!
Will sort that CAT out, FM

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fransmom · 19/04/2007 22:19

i think that in ten years time you may well look back ont his perios and wonder why you worried so much. i am sure that you will cope just fine

Original poster
Bigfailure · 21/04/2007 23:07

I saw my counsellor on Thursday & much as it was a heavy session, it was also very helpful & she helped me work out why I am the way I am.

FM - I have sent you a CAT.

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fransmom · 22/04/2007 12:03

hello was on there this morning, not come through yet, will check later

i am glad that you went to counselling - is thios the first time you went?