PND 3 years on , suicidal

[Jamtoasty]

I have 2 under 5, I'm currently on my bed after 9 hours on and off crying and having suicidal thoughts.
I haven't felt this low since my 2nd was born .

In these 3 years I've had a very low time , it got a bit better when my eldest started nursery .

I resisted the antidepressants after my youngest was born because I wanted to get over it myself . And I felt I had.
I'm now almost 3 years on and I'm on the verge of ending myself .....
I don't want to I don't want to die . But many in a lot of back pain and things get really low for me and today has been my lowest since 2014 ...
Please any advice anything I go from low to high , high to low .

Is there anyone there with you? Or anyone you can call. You need to talk about who you feel? If not please contact the samaritans or contact them anyway.

This is your mental illness talking, remember that, you can beat it but you need help, admitting is the first step so well done.

Please confide in someone and seek help from your gp

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are moving this thread to the Mental Health section now.