Really miserable

[Lianne77]

I split up from my partner of 9 years two months ago, I have two DDs ages 4 and 3 who I love more than life itself but lately I have been so stressed out I feel that all I do is shout and scream at them and sometimes feel like I dont want them anywhere near me. it sometimes get that my smallest one is screaming and I am screaming back which must be so scary for her. She still wakes in the night which I am finding so hard as I work 3 days a week aswell. I want to be able to control my temple. I feel so guilty and cry after I have been like this. I know I spend too much time cleaning and tidying and sometimes feel on the edge of being manic. I dont want to go to the doctors as would rather not end up on antidepressants. I just hate the anger that I am feeling. Am thinking about trying St Johns Wort. Does anyone have any experience of this. I know what the problem is its just finding a way of dealing with it. Any other methods of de-stressing would be greatly received.

Lianne77, really really sorry you're going through this There's a whole bunch of us at the moment in similar positions, why not pop over and join us? try these threads

here

or here

for some great advice and support.

You'll get loads of love and support here, do you have any in RL?

You're in a shitty terrible place atm, but it won't last forever. I totally understand what you mean about the kids. I was the saem. When I was having a particularly bad day, I'd take them swimming, cos they loved it, so were having a good time, plus a reward almost to make up for being so evil with them, plus it's so hectic it was about the one thing that forced me to take my mind off my relationship. Swimming might not be your thing, but maybe try something like that? But don't beat yourself up, it's a shame for the kids, but you're only human, and trying to hold down a job and keep yourself sane and look after them... something's got to give. It won't be forever. You'll start to feel human, and stop shouting and they'll alwys love you, no matter what.

We're all here for you.

Take carexxx

Thank you so much, im in work at the moment so its hard to email but will log on when I can, I thought it would be easier than this had the impression of if I had my babies with me then I would be fine. Although he didnt do much round the house to help me, now that hes gone I cant believe how much there is to be done everyday and I cant stand getting behind although i think this is something I need to look at and get my priorities right. I just hate it when I see fear in my DDs eyes, I love them so much and sometimes say things and then cant believe I have let them come out of my mouth especially to such gorgeous kids. I know things can only get better, me and DH are still friends but I dont think I want to ever back with him. I have a lot of support of friends and family and DH takes them one day a week so I get some time on my own but I dont seem to be able to shut down and relax. I seem to go from happy to crying to angry and then back again. Just want life with me and the DDs to be happy and want to be able to control my temper and cuddle them a lot more.

oh sweetheart, 2 months is nothing. you'll feel happy again, your temper will deminish. I did exactly the same thing. And yet they were innocent, the only people who hadn't hurt me, yet they were the ones who weree there when I was feeling down and scared and angry so they were the ones that got yelled at

But you're not invincible. Like I said, something's got to give. At least you can see it and recognise it, so you'll get over this other challenge. It will be ok, it's probably the biggest life change you'll ever have, this is just one hiccup.

You're doing brilliantly, don't expect too much from yourself, look after yourself, treat yourself, it's not being selfish, if you're kind to yourself you'll feel a bit better, and that will rub off on them.

Lianne, do please talk to your GP, it really helps to talk about your feelings in RL.

Your GP won't shovel ADs in your direction (though can I ask why you're so set against them? I found them invaluable when I had PND). S/he might be able to refer you for counselling, which could be helpful, might give you some coping strategies when you feel your stress levels rocketing. You sound very low and there is support out there but you have to ask for it.

BP, Firstly im new to this what is RL?? Im not against ADs and would definately be willing to see the doctor about having them but thought I would try something herbal first. Not sure if they are the same but I feel more stressed than depressed, I get the odd days where I cry a bit buts its mainly my temper and how angry I feel that are affecting me and the affect its having on my dds. Will do anything to stop feeling like this.

RL = Real life

RL is real life .
Anxiety is part and parcel of depression, it's all connected. So is the anger, the inability to shut down, the exhausting stress responses. A good counsellor might be able to help you work out some strategies for coping.