I really am alone

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It is soul crushing when you’ve already posted on here but get no replies. Feels like I have no one at all

I'm here. Talk to me

Everything just hurts all the time and there is no escape! It never ends. I wish I could run away from myself

I'm here too..do you want to explain what is bothering you ?

What hurts? Do you have any family you can talk to?

I'm here

I’m so tired of my mental health causing problems, it affects my relationship so much, I have no desire to be touched let alone be intimate.
Depression leaves me feeling like there is a gaping hole in my chest all the time, it’s like I can’t breathe. Borderline affects my moods and I cannot keep up.
Even the children’s behaviour can’t be too much to bare, at 1 and 3 they’re constantly pushing boundaries or being naughty and I just can’t deal with it, I love them to pieces but I feel like the worst parent in the world cus I have no patients, I just feel like I’m crying inside all of the time or on the verge of exploding but there’s nothing I can do

Patience*

Can anyone look after your DC for a few hours so you can have a break?

My partner is at home but we both have so much to do all the time, even if I did go out I don’t know what I would do. I just end up driving somewhere and sitting in the car for however long

Forget anything that needs doing at home. Get your DP to take the DC out for a couple of hours. Run yourself a bath and take some time to just think about yourself. You need to take time for you sometimes. Being a parent is hard work and it's made harder if you are having to struggle with what is going on in your head too

I really wish I could but he has a bad back at the minute, we both have uni work to be done by tomorrow too and I don’t have time to work on that until DC are in bed cus it’s impossible with them both up, I just don’t have time for anything.
I don’t speak to anyone, I’m not close with my family like that and my partner knows my illnesses but I can’t speak about how I’m actually feeling, I just find it impossible to get the words out and feel sick if I try

Be brave and talk to him. Things will only get worse unless you get some help. Or show him this thread if you can't find the words to talk to him. Once you share how you're feeling he can help you. We can talk on here but can't physically be there to support you which is what you need.

Be brave and talk to him. Things will only get worse unless you get some help. Or show him this thread if you can't find the words to talk to him. Once you share how you're feeling he can help you. We can talk on here but can't physically be there to support you which is what you need.

We had a bit of a chat, after I started overreacting to something minimal yesterday and we fell out, but it just confirms that my problems just infect everything around me
There’s nothing he can do to help, nothing changes the feelings i struggle with or the isolation I feel, it’s never changed or gone away, just feel like it’s never going to get better!
I struggled with this since childhood and I’m almost 23.

Can you go and see your GP and get referred for some counselling to help support you?

But things will never change if you don't talk to people and keep things bottled up. I had a breakdown some time ago and since then I tell people if I'm not coping with life. There is no shame in asking for help. Everyone needs help at some stage in their lives. You mentioned uni. Is there a student counselling service or student support service that you can talk to? They may be able to signpost you to support in your area

I really don’t enjoy councillors, not in a horrible way but my level of not okay goes beyond what they seem to be able to offer me (from past experience) I was in part of a skills group for bpd but didn’t help that much, however I still went to really try but I’ve had to leave cus of my uni timetable.
I’m aware I need proper professional help, cus nothing else I’ve ever been through has helped st all, but there’s is nothing that seems to be available to me 😔 short of paying for regular psychology which I couldn’t afford anyway, just seems like I’m on my own with this

Sorry to seem like I’m shooting everyone’s suggestions down, I’m really not trying to and am grateful for someone to talk to, thank you everyone xx