I wake up crying and am so desperate. I dont think I can carry on anymore and I'm scared and hate myself for suffering from depression. I dont take any medication: I've tried many different types over the years and yet it always comes back. I don't do anything to help myself now because I am so low and am in such a negative mindset I believe nothing will help me. I just can't bear it anymore but I am too scared to kill myself. I can't express it as well as other posters, and I am trying to type through ters. I had a lovely life and I didn't appreciate it enough and now its all gone. I have adult children living in a different country to me. They would be ok without me. Most of me knows it is wrong to think they would not be affected, but it is so hard to get through the days and weeks of this. My heart and spirit and mind are all broken.