I dread this time of the year.

[Mrstrumpalot]

Have done for the last 10 years.

As soon as it turns to Autumn and the nights start to draw in I get a feeling of dread.
I lost my DH during the winter months 10 years ago and ever since then have struggled to get through the run up to Christmas and then the day itself.

I honestly wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in the spring. Nobody would guess this is how I feel. I have a responsible job, a loving dp of 7 years and 2 dc to bring up. I put a face on for them, give them a lovely Xmas etc.

Last night I lay in bed next to a snoring dp and asked myself why I felt like this. A churning feeling in my stomach and the feeling something bad is going to happen. I have nothing specifically to worry about, just happy memories of Christmas in the past which make me sad I’ll never have the same again.

Maybe i should have posted in Bereavment, I just don’t know.
I feel as if I can’t go to my GP as due to my job I have a medical every year and it would not look good if I had been diagnosed with anything mentioning depression.

How on earth do I get through the next 4 or 5 months?

OP I really feel for you and, irrespective of your job, think you should see your GP. Recognising your mental health is suffering and asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is the fact you’ve asked for help something your employers should use against you.

It’s understandable that this time of year causes you to reflect and worry, but I think you may just need to speak to someone who can help you to deal with the thoughts you are having.

I suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder), have done for years and I used to dread the Autumn and Winter months. My DH bought me a Lumie lamp alarm clock about 5 years ago and this has definitely helped (it mimics the sunrise which is supposed to help ease us into the day by gradually getting lighter and you wake up to “sunshine” - not sure if I’ve explained this clearly ). I also walk for an hour three mornings a week before work. This too helps my mood.

See your GP, ask for some help. You shouldn’t have to suffer like this for the next 4-5 months for the rest of your life.

Take care x

Ask your GP to give you a blood test to check your Vitamin D level. All the symptoms you describe - lethargy, despair, insomnia - can be caused by chronic Vitamin D depletion, which obviously gets much worse in the autumn/winter months when there's sod all sunshine. Last winter I was on my knees feeling awful in exactly the way you describe - got tested, level was off the chart low, now I supplement and I feel like a different person.

Thank you so much for your replies.
Strangely enough following an operation a few years ago I was told I had low vitamin d levels and took supplements.
I still have the remaining capsules and had completely forgotten that maybe I should be taking them during the dark winter months.
But you are right. I cannot go on like this. I will make an appointment with gp and will just have to fight my corner when it comes up on my medical.