What do I do?!?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I hate my life. I have a lovely DP and an amazing DD but I hate my life.

I’m a teacher and the overwhelming feeling of drowning is taking over my life. I can’t cope. There is a never ending list of jobs to do and I’m not doing a good job of keeping on top of things.

When I had a break down at school last academic year, my line manager (whilst witnessing me in a hyperventilating state) told me that this was the job I had chosen so I needed to get over it.

I have nightmares every night and all relate to school life in some way. I have so much work to do that I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks. I set my alarm for 3am most days to get up and do more work.

I just don’t know what to do. I have driven to work more days than I can count in tears and thinking it would be easier to just crash my car into a tree.

I’m sorry for rambling but I just don’t know what to do!

You might want to talk to your GP about your feelings, your health is paramount mostly importantly for yourself and your family but also to you being able to do your job.

There might be teachers/TAs with more advice on how to approach things.
Sorry I don’t know the answer but

Thank you for replying. I don’t really know what my doctor would say. I know how to fix my situation really. I need to quit my job but I need the money.

You need to speak to your GP and get some help, running yourself further into the ground will inevitably not end well. Maybe get a sick note and some medication as it sounds like your stressed and have anxiety, we all need help occasionally. By taking control and helping yourself, hopefully you can turn things around

Your employer also has a legal responsibility to make reasonable changes if your job is affecting your health.

And your boss also does not seem very empathetic, he/she needs to realise they have a legal duty of care for their employees!

I agree. Step 1 is to see your GP. They may suggest medication, sick leave or therapy or something else - but enough to give you breathing space to figure out step 2.

Oh OP that sounds so tough for you, my sympathies.

Other posters are right, your first port of call should be your GP. It sounds to me like you need a break from work and s/he can sort that.

Teaching is an incredibly, overwhelmingly demanding job. I work in a school and am constantly in awe of the teachers.

Take some time off and regroup, recover a bit and then see what you think. With best wishes.

Thank you all.

I will try to ring my doctor. Teaching is a job where it’s actually more stressful not being in. I wasn’t in today because I was sick but I have to be in tomorrow because it’s an important day for us. I’ve just spent the whole day panicking about it all.

It’s really hard. Are you in a union? If so after your GP maybe you could have a word with them about how to approach speaking to LM.

See if you can be proactive to request changes. Being proactive might mean sick leave, but at least you’d be talking to LM rather than it getting to crisis point. I know all this is easier for me to say than it is for you to do.

You need to see the GP - if you cannot face taking time off work see if they have an evening surgery or early morning appointments. Remember there may be something physical as well as the draining work. For example if you are exhausted part of it might anaemia.

I have had anaemia a few times, I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t back again.

Dear Being,
I was you once. I was encouraged into teaching when a TA. My first year wasn't properly supported but I got through it successfully, but going back for the second year did it for me. At the end of the first year I had got to the state of thinking whilst driving on the way to work, 'what if I don't turn the wheel at that bend?' Same as you. I had a melt down and could not get out of bed for weeks, except to see the Dr, who signed me off work. My union helped me not return. Then I did supply teaching for some years, which I could control how much I did. I am now in a council job, lower pay, but no worries about the work.
Sometimes we take a wrong turn in our work life and find we are not suited to our choice of career.
I advise taking sick leave, maybe handing in notice, doing supply and eventually getting out of teaching.
Best wishes to you x

Hi OP
Hope you feel a bit better today. Either way best wishes

Thank you for the replies. I am really quite unwell today but I can’t go home because there is no one to cover me. I feel like I am about to throw up constantly yet I can’t go home. Something is wrong with this picture!

OP Does your DP know any of this? Would you allow them to phone in tomorrow on your behalf (sounds like you actually might have a sickness bug). Alternatively would you let DP make the Dr appointment- it almost takes the decision out of your hands.

If you aren’t sure where to start with DP/Dr maybe print out your first post here. It explains really well what is happening to you. If you can’t form the words just ask the Dr/DP to read it then talk to you. I’ve been through some of this, still am in parts. Therapy/medication/sick leave/talking to someone in real life can help.

I’m not sure if the sickness was brought on by high levels of stress. We had an important review yesterday (hence why I went in) and I was so nervous about it.

Hi

Are you holding any other responsibilities at work? Head of year? Pastoral care? If so could you ask to remove those? Please go to your gp, anaemia will not help anything either.

It's a sad state of affairs when we need to be on meds just to cope with the stress of our jobs :(

Nope, no additional responsibilities except a VERY challenging class this year. They wear me down daily.

Sorry you're having a tough time.

I think as suggested above you need some sick leave to clear your head so you can work out the best plan.

Can you change jobs? Change to TA? Do bank work instead? (Less responsibility I believe?) Take on tutoring at home?

Sorry I'm not a teacher and don't know your financial situation so apologise if this advice is useless.

Could you get a cleaner once a week to alleviate some of the stress?

I need the money. I have applied for another job but I am still in the recruitment process for it, no guarantee that I’ll even get accepted in.

It just feels like, when I went down the teacher training route, I set myself up for a life of misery.

Good luck with the new job application Being xx

I'm amazed anyone goes into teaching anymore, anyone that lasts past training deserves a medal (and a pay rise)! No shame in admitting it's not right for you - it's not you that is the problem, it's the screwed up system.

Thank you.

Are you one of my friends...You really could be. I have spoken to at least 3 people who have said what you have said these past few weeks.
You are really not alone, and haven't failed in any way. The job is relentless and it sounds like you really need a break for the sake of your health.
Get signed off, and focus on you.

I might well be one of your friends. I’m sure most teachers feel the same.