I am desperately sad and worried about everything

[surbiton1961]

I have suffered from depression on and off for 18 years. I am in my mid 50s. It brought about the end of my marriage, but not before my husvan and I had emigrated to the US where I am now suffering again and have other practical issues such as a divorce - meaning losing health insurance privileges, an eviction (as the rental house I live in has been sold) and having just called to try and find a psychiatrist, and it is incredibly difficult accessing health care here anyway, have been told the office are not taking new patients till January. I have never had much success on medication anyway. The last doctor I say said I had treatment resistant depression.
In which case, with the other issues, I am really finding it very hard not to keep my thoughts away from suicide. But I am terrified. Not because I think my situation can get any better. I think this is the end of the road for me. But I do have three adult children and I am terrified about what it might mean for them in the future. I had such a wonderful life at one point. And now I don't see anything in the future at all.

I'm so sorry things are so difficult and that you are feeling so low. It's really hard to believe it I know, but honestly you can feel better again.

Have you checked if there is any low cost counselling or therapy available in your area? It's not a magic fix but sometimes, it can help.

Do you have any friends either locally or long distance?

Thank you for responding Absentminded Woman. I do have a few friends here, and I have talked to them at length. I'm sure I have been boring them but they are kind. We just go around in circles though, with in clarity. There is not a solution to my predicament. There are real issues to face and make life changing decisions about, as well as a deep depression which makes any decision - even about what to eat - impossible. I am totally overwhelmed.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will get through this and things will get better again for you. All things pass and this will too. I don't know how the US health system works, but if you are feeling suicidal I would suggest going to the ER. You could also email samaritans [email protected] for support.