Hi all,
31 yo mum of a 10 yo boy here. Where do I start?
Had my son youngish obviously and within a year me and his father split up as he was useless at 21 (10 years on and he is still as unreliable as ever and doesn't pay maintenance :/)
I have no support unit really, I had a younger sibling who died suddenly 6 years ago and then my father died 3 years later; the result of which has torn the family apart so we don't see each other regularly as everyone seems to be dealing with things on their own and not want to talk about it.
I get along with Mum but don't see her much at all really although she doesn't live far; the only way she can cope with the death of my sibling seems to be just constantly dining out and holidaying with her new boyfriend which is hard to resent her for.
Since these events I seem to attract toxic men and toxic friends that take advantage of me until it gets to a point where I have to cut them off completely which leaves me feeling uncomfortable and anxious. Maybe my desperation to connect is so obvious they just know I'll go alone with anything...
I don't really go out or do anything anymore due to childcare issues and I've now completely given up on socialising.
I'm very lonely and can feel myself becoming more anxious, more reclusive as the weeks literally fly by and I feel I've achieved nothing.
I used to be the life and soul, making everyone laugh and always had men interested in me. I was that annoying person who started celebrating xmas at the end of November! In contrast, the year before last I spent my first xmas day completely alone as my son wanted to go to his dads (they have a big family meal and my family no longer celebrate it). I remember sitting there thinking 'how has this happened?' and I ended up having a drink on my own and calling the samaritans.
To top it off I've become chronically disorganised over the past few years to the point where the simplest things get forgotten and seem insurmountable and I'm worried it's going to seriously affect my son. Last week I forgot a party that was really important to him and I just hate myself for it. I give him 110% at all times but I often feel completely burnt out. I work and I went back to uni to try and make a go of things but despite all the sleepless nights of essay writing and revision around my stressful civil service job I ended up failing my first year by a few measly points and now have to retake it (bye bye 9k!).
So here I am at 5am sat in the lounge (because my awful neighbours are shagging like the clappers again) knowing that in 2 hours I'll have to wake up the little man and do it all again.
Sorry for huge wall of text 
I just feel completely hopeless about everything.