Have had enough can't see way out

[SmileAndNod]

Posted last week. Just has a phone call and the owner is 'toying' with the idea of selling the house (thatc we rent( or putting another bedroom or two in the attic space to sell once value improves
Were here till Feb but someone coming to do first valuatuion on fri abd could be on market in Nov. They'll shoe people round while we're out at work.

We're all so upset and have no bloody clue how to find somewhere else in time that will take a family and a dog.

I know we were si lucky in finding here

Children are upset add they are settled and I can't fix it. IM a shit parent who can't even provide a roof over their head

I want to end it. I've been battling depression and anxiety and I've fucked yup my life so massively and I'm letting my children down so badly. We'll be homeless in a couple of months.

No idea what to do next

No, there's not always a positive spin, it's horrible that you have to leave somewhere you're all happy and there's no way to stop that being upsetting and disappointing. But you may be equally (or even more) happy in the next place and you will all adjust and move on, it's not a nice situation to be in but neither is it the catastrophe the depression is making it seem. I feel a hypocrite saying that because I had to leave a house I loved (having just had my second miscarriage and being as ill as I've ever been with depression) and it felt like the end of the world at the time. I remember my SIL and BIL helping us pack the house up and sobbing my heart out the whole time. But it turned out ok, I got through it and I love where I live now even though I felt like I'd never get over it when it happened.

You haven't failed at anything, you've been blindsided by the house thing when you're not long off meds and still fragile and it's knocked you for six, totally understandable. What matters is what you do now, pull yourself up and take positive steps to improve things or let it take you down? You need help if you're going to do the former, GP asap and don't be afraid to lean on people for support, family and friends in rl and us on here, you don't have to do this on your own.

Sorry to hear about your loss hidingtonothing

Have not been able to sleep and I can't catch my breath. Trying to breathe even seems a struggle
Not looking forward to work as im likely to burst into tears. Not to mention everyone will start gossiping and yhink what a loser I am
46 and no house of my own about to make my kids homeless

Honey, you have demonstrated in all your posts that you're not a shit mum. Other posters have said some wise things. Definitely look into social housing. You are unintentionally homeless, they have to give you some assistance.
I just wanted to share my own experience. I too, lost a home I was privately renting. My DD was also settled. In the end ( and the uncertainty was horrible but we got through it) we found somewhere permanent. Like you, I couldnt buy either.. Then last year my DS lost his father. Coroner ruled suicide.
Guess which one of those has fucked up my kids? we're only now feeling better.
I'm not posting for sympathy, just wanted to shiw yiu that you can get yhrough tbings, even when they seem insurmountable.
I went back on AD's after DP's death. There is no shame in medication when you need it.
Keep posting my love, you love your kids so much. All they need is you and your DH. You can do this, you sound like a stromg person who's haf the rug pulled out from under them.

I'm so sorry for your loss

That's how I feel. Like I'm on shifting sand. I feel have no control over things and I hate it.

My eldest is feeling it deeply. He's so like me that I've let him down by being his mother. My head is fucked up by MH issues and I can see him going the same way. I can't protect him.

I've got thro this and worse before but I just don't have theenergy to keep on keeping on. I

I'm drained and exhausted and it's bleak.

I don't know how to get through today.

Hour by hour. That is how you get through today. And thank you for the flowers and kind words. You will start to feel stronger once the shock has lessened.
And you haven't let anyone down. It"s not your fault that the Tories have decimated the housing options for ordinairy families. You can show your kids that whatever shit life throws at you, it's how you deal with it that matters. You have already demonstrated that although circumstances have changed through no fault of your own, you have already started looking at your options.
Tell your kids that what matters is you guys are a family and you will get through it and come out the other side. Because I truly believe that's what will happen.

Just sat in tears looking at the lovely rooms in the house and the lovely countryside and surroundings. So quiet here apart from the church bells. ShoulD have known that it was too good for people like me

Hey! That's rubbish! And I say that without knowing you at all.

Monitoring your thoughts and aclnowledging the negative ones can sometimes help. Making a definite effort to think postive may seem impossible now but if you can try, even a tiny bit, you will start to feel better x

Hi I'm gutted for you ! Its shit but I get the same feelings about being useless and better off dead! No way your children need you and others need you by showing your inner strength, are your kids all in school or education? If yes then ask to see family liaison worker, all schools have them there normally just as normal ad us with there own children and problems as well cos there to busy sorting others problems out ,but there great speak to her tell her how it is cos you need to speak to be heard OK ? Please take advice for your kids and self you can and will make it through. Keep posting OK?

Renting in this country IS rubbish, I'm 39 and probably won't be able to afford a house either. It's really shit and a result of many years of shitty housing policies. Shelter is a basic human need and should not be the commodity it's become.

OP I'm 42 and know I will never own my own home, I don't think it's unusual these days and certainly isn't any sort of failure on your part. I actually think your LL has been really unfair, all this 'toying with the idea of selling' and indecision over what to do with the house shouldn't be impacting you until/unless it's definitely happening.

Have you given any thought to going back to your GP? This situation would be hard on anyone but that bleak feeling you describe is exactly how I get when I'm really not well.

I've just got back from work. Didn't make it through the day without crying.

Have only heard back about 2 of the houses I emailed about last night. Neither are in a nice area at all ( both on stupidly busy main roads) but I think we'll have to see them. Our lease here ends in Feb so it will be a shame to leave earlier than we have to but I feel that if we don't take something now we might never find anything?
Sounds stupid but WWYD? wait until the end of the lease and put up with people viewing the house (which I'm not happy about with the dog at home without us) or jump ship 4 months early

All this uncertainty isn't good. My son won't eat 😓

We're probably going to have to get a loan as well to cover moving costs and deposits up front. Our savings were wiped out last time wet moved

I had exactly the same situation a year ago, I really feel for you. We were settled too, had been there 5 years. I felt like I had let my children down as well.

The only thing I would say (and apologies if this has already been said) but the housing market has really slowed down. Even if your LL decided to put the house on the market there is a very good chance it would take a while to sell. There is so much uncertainty in the economy. Are houses selling where you are? I know they have stalled significantly where I live. Also...the LL might decide not to sell? You are putting yourself through all this upset and stress which may end up unnecessary?

We were given 2 months notice (section 21), which was then extended as it hadn't sold. It's unfortunate really, as it really wouldn't have sold now!

Please PM me if you want to talk.

Although the estate agent said the owner was 'toying with the idea' of selling they're coming round to value, measure up and take photos on Friday and said it might be on the market ( and sell) in November. Bit don't worry she said

So it sounds like he's already decided and they're not being entirely up front. Which given that it took me 4 days to get a return to my phone call and get an answer out of them isn't surprising

And houses are still selling (for extortionate amounts). I'm probably very thick but I don't understand how 3 times the salary round here comes anywhere near the amount needed for a mortgage.

I have locked myself in my room. I can't see anyone or talk to anyone. I've let them down.

I also don't know why tenancies can't run for more than 6 months at a time. There's no stability there is there. Maybe I'm the only person with kids who is still renting. Have fucked up my life. Not supposed to be so hard

It must be so hard not knowing where you'll be living next year. Suggestions to contact Shelter are really sensible. As well as helping you understand your rights, they can advise if there are any housing associations in your area which take direct applications. Perhaps rushing to get somewhere quickly is not your top priority although I can understand the uncertainty is very wearing.

You are definitely not the only renter with children, there are lots of families who have to rent, especially in high cost areas.

My friends range from mid twenties to late 50's, all with kids and none of them own their own house, we all rent either private or social housing. Please don't be offended but you seem very focused on not being able to buy and the feeling that renting somehow makes you a failure, obviously I can only speak for myself but I don't see it like that at all. I'm not denying or diminishing the upset and inconvenience of moving but renting certainly doesn't mean you've failed.

As for whether I would go now or wait well I wouldn't jump at either of the ones the agents have sent so far. You have enough time, even if things move as fast as you fear, to wait and see if anything more suitable comes up. I understand your urgency, this has put you in a panic and you just want it resolved for yourself and DC so you're not all stuck in limbo but rushing into a new place you're not happy with isn't the answer, you can afford to take a little more time over it.

You absolutely do not have to allow viewings when you're not home, give the LL/agents time slots where you will be free to facilitate access and cite your quiet enjoyment if they try to push it, the law is on your side on this.

Lost my long post.
Thank you for kind words. I'm still in bits. Pathetic I know.

Have looked into social housing and we wouldn't be eligible as we can private rent

Not happy about them letting themselves in for viewings unless we're home to take he dog out - he wouldn't know those people. Would that be unreasonable and would I be awkward?

Hate this. Hate this. Don't know whether to take the first thing we see in case biting else comes along by Feb. Haven't been looking regularly so don't know wh cat the renting market is like. I know houses are selling in this area though

And I'll be phoning the doctor on Friday. I've not slept for ages. Just going over and over stuff, wondering whether to jump ship now. Or have our last xmas here (merry bloody xmas)

Also spoke to a teacher yesterday. Had to really as eldest is so fragile.

No one can actually DO anything though can they. It's all my mess.

So estate agent got back to me - to check if we are above the 37k income threshold for renting a property 😮

FFS what the hell do you have to do to be able to live these days? Surely a roof over your head is a basic human need???

Have managed not to cry as much today. Well only the once when I told someone at work

Wondering how much cleaning / tidying I need to do before they come for photos on Friday. I can't really be arsed TBH.

You're under no obligation to do anything in the way of cleaning etc. They're lucky you've agreed to the photos at all If they want an effort made they can send you a cleaner! You've got enough to do trying to sort out the mess they've created for you.

As someone else said, don't jump at the first house that's available, you've got a bit of time and you don't want to sign for something you don't really like just because only for something you massively prefer to turn up a few days later.

That's good to hear because in not feeling very generous!

Still Can't sleep. 3 nights now (and a couple last weekend). I'm tired but I can't sleep. My head is spinning. Not even sure how that works

Smile, it sounds as if you live in an expensive part of the U.K. if you need to earn 37k to be considered fo a private rental. I would urge you to speak to Shelter about your housing situation.

Not sleeping is horrible, I hope the GP can help with that.

On a practical point. Would you be able to buy in another area. Even somewhere miles away. If you could would you be able to move with dc and ddog and get a job in that area whilst dh rents a tiny studio or Travelodge room for during the week whilst he is looking for work in the new area.
It would give a more permanent roof over your heads and then use that as a starting point.

I don't think any areas in the south are cheap? I am not sure about leaving the area to move North. DH travels forwork bit again that is all south based. Besides i have my family and our friends (and therefore my support network) here. DH family not around.

Have ring about another place today so still waiting on agents getting back to us. People obviously can't be that desperate for lovely tenants.

In other news the dog has chewed up my new bag. So he may not be coming with us after all