Struggling with anxiety

[Pegler]

Hi,
I gave birth to my dd 3 months ago and since she's been born I have realised that I have a major anxiety problem.

When i think about it, it's something that has always been there. I have struggled with plans, travel and leaving the house my whole life. I am terrified of missing trains busses and being late, and non being able to drive means I have to use public transport. If I know I have to go somewhere or do something out of the house on my own the anxiety will start days before. I will go over and over over the time I will leave and the time I need to be somewhere, the route I will take, what might happen on that route what if I run into someone what if I get followed, murdered, raped?? I also get physical symptoms days before like really a bad tummy, light headed and nausea. If I'm doing something really big like going on a holiday I won't sleep the night before and I will be so panicky the whole time until the holiday is over and we get home then I can finally relax! For a while I was completely terrified of homeless people after having a bad experience with one that hung out outside our old flat, so I physically could not leave the house on my own for the time we lived there. And I still won't go into town on my own because that particular guy might be there.

I am all ways perceived by others as a bit short tempered and not very approachable. When really I am so wound up and feel so tight with anxiety that I come across as moody and awful when that's not my intention at all. I feel as if I have a ball of concrete in my stomach the majority of the time as my mind is completely taken up with obsessing over things.

Before I had my dd I always just dealt with this not really recognising how much this was affecting my life.

Now I have dd and my anxiety with leaving the house and doing things has got 1000 worse because now it's not me controlling the situation. Dd is very fussy and cries ALOT, fine while we are at home I can deal with it but I find the thought of going anywhere with her terrifying.

She has her vaccinations tomorrow and my stomach has been in knots about it for days because I she to take her to the docs and wait in the waiting room! What if I can't get there on time? What if she cries in the waiting room?

Things aren't being helped that my OH is going to Leeds tomorrow for 3 weeks for work. I really use him as a crutch and I've cried begging him.not to leave for days but unfortunately he has no choice.

I do have a Dr appointment but it's not for a few weeks so I just wanted to know if anyone has any coping mechanisms? Or if anyone had experienced anything like this before.

really glad you have a GPs appointment, it might also be worth discussing with your HV.

I find mindfulness, meditation and exercise help me with anxiety. Also knitting is very theraputic and playing mindless games on my phone help distract me too. I found the headspace app very useful when things were bad and used to use it sat in the supermarket car park to calm myself enough to go in.

I could have written this post myself some months ago OP.
I honestly felt EXACTLY how you describe, even personality wise I feel I'm always the snappy irritable one that people end up avoiding as I'm not fun to be around. I snap and get irritable when anxious. It all got worse when my DD was born and I struggled to take her anywhere myself for 4-5 months. I was scared of not being able to comfort her crying when out and about incase she became sick or ill with the crying I was terrified of every new stage and routine.
My coping mechanisms consisted of small small steps gradually...making sure friends and family knew how I felt, I did a walk with the pram every day where I went round the streets in a circuit no more than 5 mins from house if I had to dash home. Eventually got my DP to drop us off at baby class and he waited outside in car so I had my 'escape route' planned. I tried new things in little bursts and waited to feel better about each thing before moving onto the next.
I had counselling and that really helped, that and time. She's 15 months now and I would say I've got used to my anxiety rather than it going away. I was awful with weaning and wouldn't cook her meat until she was 9 months old (packets of Ella's until then) but was ok doing veg! Now I'm worried about her teeth not being cleaned properly or her portions etc but it's not as high octane anxiety as it used to be.
I actually started a thread a few days ago about my current anxiety which is my DD getting a great bond with her father, it's now got me worrying she's going to prefer him over me
So I suppose the anxiety stayed for me but just changed topic over time! On a positive note I do find that me time (meditation, positive experiences with DD) do help calm me and I'm about to start CBT which I'm hoping will help loads, I've heard good things about it.

Sorry for the massive amount of type but I just wanted you to know I felt exactly the same and those were some things that worked for me
for you and big hugs