I admit defeat

[iamapixiebutnotaniceone]

My anxiety has become crippling. I can't even talk to my child's teacher without dissecting the whole conversation and feeling like I'm saying and doing everything wrong. It has started with a dental phobia and extreme shyness nearly 15 years ago and has now progressed to the point I can't live a normal life. I have tried CBT and I couldn't make myself engage with it, I felt like I was being judged. I do not like myself at all I feel like I am doing everything wrong and I can't see why anyone else would want to be around me. I've previously refused medication but am now thinking it might be necessary to help me to a point that I can at least engage with CBT etc. What is available that won't knock me out and isn't addictive? I have young children to care for still.

Sorry you're struggling at the moment.

There are lots of us with anxiety problems on MN, and threads about medications and different "talking therapies". Do you have support in RL?

In some areas you can self refer to MH services.

I get stressed about conversations with teachers, and often DH goes to parents' evenings instead!

There's nobody that understands. My OH knows I am struggling, he gets it to an extent but he doesn't really get it. I've brought my appointment with the GP forward to next Tuesday. I'm not depressed, I know I'm not but I just feel broken and tired of overthinking everything. I need something to take the edge off so I can think straight. I can't see how I can ever just feel normal.

I take beta blockers. They're as and when you need them, don't affect your head they just stop the physical effects of anxiety.

Always worth a try if you don't want anti depressants .

Write down how you feel and take it to the gp. They will understand how anxiety can affect you. Meds’ can and will help you get better.

The last few days have been really bad. I can't relax at all, I've got a million thoughts swishing about my head but nothing that makes sense. I can't concentrate on anything. A few days ago during a bit of a row I admitted to my OH how I've been feeling, now I can't see past this feeling. I don't know what my normal feels like anymore. I'm scared that this is it, I'm not the parent I wanted to be either. I'm no good to anyone the way I am.

I took anti-depressants after my 3rd child when he was 12 months or older, I thought I was depressed but when I started medication I realised it was actually anxiety. I had no realisation that I was ruminating constantly and my mind was a stream of thoughts. The medication calmed my thoughts and I felt so much better. Not sure how long I took them for now but think it was less than a year. It helped so much and my self concept improved dramatically, it was such a relief. In my case hormones really do a number on me! Please don't be scared to try medication - you may be needlessly suffering when you could get a huge amount of relief. I would encourage you to try other therapies again once you are on medication and if it is helping. It helps to press "reset" so you are able to take advantage of other help offered to you.

Exercise is another huge game changer for me and totally balances my mind.

I know I need something but I don't know what, I've never been this bad before. I left the kids with their dad tonight and went for a walk. I feel like I need to be doing something all of the time but at the same time I can't make myself do anything. I could just hide away and stay hidden away quite happily right now. I need to feel like I'm doing something to fix this.