I have started this thread a million times. I want to be really clear I take other people's mental health issues really seriously but can't seem to follow advice I give others.
I have always been a worrier and on two occasions been on anti depressants however I generally hold it together, have a good job etc. My husband thinks I have general anxiety disorder but as I can hold it together I just feel like I am fake compared to people with real issues who really struggle and hence feel like I waste people's time.
I guess this post is to ask for unbiased opinion on whether I am a worrier or actually should seek help.
I have low self-esteem and am anxious. My mum tells tales of how I was so shy I wouldn't talk at school and by the time I came home would talk non stop until something trivial made me cry and I was okay again. I still get like this when stressed.
I had spells as a teenager of fixation on things and remember lying awake shaking for whole nights. Things like possible asteroid hits or people dying. I got fixated on needing to go toilet but not wanting to ask to leave class or being trapped on a bus or train or something. This meant that at school I would go to the toilet in between every lesson and it would take me several visits to leave the house and I would not go out just in case. I got over it and no one really noticed at home I think. When pregnant this switched to fear of not sleeping which obviously means I become very anxious at bedtime and if my kids have any sign of waking in the night. I really struggled with the baby stage and my husband does a lot of the nights and evenings.
I have always had spells of insomnia.
I overeat and have spells as a teenager of making myself sick but not very good meal just when stressed out.
I over analyse every scenario. I worry about probably normal stuff but also lots of odd stuff. I can be irritable and weepy. It goes through better and worse phases which come in cycles. I feel shattered at the end of days especially when I have been worrying. I have physical symptoms like butterflies, headaches, aching muscles, upset stomach etc. I go through ticks. Used to squeeze my hands together until they bruised or pick at skin or bite nails etc.
However to any outsider I am fine. I have a high pressure job which I deliver on apart from my absolute absolute worst days which are rare. I hold the family together, love and prioritise my kids. I do get grumpy. I struggle in evenings so my husband takes the brunt of it. I know my triggers (lack of sleep, not enough quiet time on my own, prolonged stress etc) .
I guess I am used to it and just think it's me. My husband thinks I might be able to get help but I am functioning so don't think it's a mental health disorder that would be taken seriously. Oh I don't know. Just worrying about this now. What do you all think.? He says I am not normal and thinks my life could be happier with help. I think I am happy plenty of the time but just worry. I am stubborn and it annoys me that I worry so deliberately do things that are rationally good for me even if I would rather avoid. Guess I worry about my brain making me miss out. Means I don't think I miss out on loads apart from in bad cycles just get very very tired from worrying all the time.
Sorry it's long.