I want to change things but can't

[NooNooHead]

I just don't know if I can cope with my feelings for the next 30/40 years of my life.

I have an involuntary movement disorder that is untreatable and makes me feel very self conscious at times. Medication will prob make it worse and there is no guarantee it will ever completely go away or improve.

My brother died from cancer a month ago. That won't ever change either. I had a head injury two years ago and am petrified of getting dementia in my old age, or sooner. Some days I get moments of cognitive 'slowness' and I know it is all to do with the head injury and my post concussion. It does make me feel like my brain isn't in the best condition.

I also had an ectopic this year and I don't feel like I have fully processed all my feelings about half of the things I have been through. Coupled with the fact I lost my job too, I feel like my life is pretty much a slog on a never ending treadmill.

I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for and I am so grateful for my family and DD. I just want to be able to accept the things I can't change or can't have. Sometimes I think of ending it all but I couldn't ever do that to the ones I love, and most of all my DD.

I'm not sure what I am trying to say here, I just needed a bit of a place to rant.

Hi OP,

Didn't want your post to go unanswered. It sounds like you've really been through a lot both mentally and physically over the past few years.

Would you be willing to consider counselling? I recently had sessions through the charity MIND and they really helped me work through some issues I was stuck on.

Have you seen a GP about your mental health? I see you mentioned "cognitive slowness" and felt it was related to your head injury but I find when my mood is low I get that sort of brain fog?

I've also had cognitive problems due to stress/depression/anxiety/PTSD so whilst it could be due to your head injury, it could also be due to your mental health. I'ts definately worth discussing with your GP. It does sound like you have been through a lot lately.