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Original poster

I have been just the worst mum today

56 replies

notagoodmum · 05/04/2007 23:20

I feel awful, but I have had little patience with my children all day & got on at them about every little thing.
I don't want to be such an awful mum with no patience, and I know that it is wrong to be this way, but when my stress levels take over me, I almost have no control.

All the stress that is going on in my life is starting to overload me & as a result I turn into mother from hell, who cannot cope with the slightest thing.
I don't want to be such a hideous excuse of a mother, but right now I almost don't seem to be in control & it is horrible.
Soetimes I feel like I just can't cope & I don't know what I can do to make things better.

OP posts:
Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 22:25

Managed to get through today a little better than yesterday, although they have been pretty hard work.
I made sure I got out of the house with them, which did help a bit.

I went to the doctors just after Christmas because I felt like I was on the verge of depression, and I am now having counselling, albeit monthly because they can't do more than that atm.

When I feel like I'm not coping with the children, I really start feeling like I am not cut out for motherhood.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 22:31

but motherhood is something we all learn, not just something you can go out and buy. you say you have a lot of stress atm, and gonna be alone. keep talking on here. we've all felt awful over something at one time or another. btw, definitely agree, change your name X

UCM · 06/04/2007 22:32

I went through a phase of this when DS was 2.5/3 and now it's not as bad, it does pass I promise.

Sez23 · 06/04/2007 22:35

think you need to go back to doctor. stress just how bad you feel, and get more help. it's out there

elasticbandstand · 06/04/2007 22:37

beofre reading it all i was going to say is it pmt??
but then i read it and it doesnt seem to fit.
we have all been there,with the best will in the world, it shows at least that you care, try taking a step back..
and good luck

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 22:47

No, I don't suffer with PMT, I just don't always cope with motherhood.
I am so ashamed that I am struggling just to be a good mum, and this is why I have changed my name & don't want to give myself away.
The children are hard work, but I think that it is made worse because I am trying to keep going when everything is collapsing around me. Sorry if that sounds dramatic, but this is how I am feeling atm.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 22:50

we all have days when everything is on top of us. really think it's best to get second opinion. not always easy to ask for help, but it needs to be done X

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 22:50

If I can't snap myself out of this, I will go back to my GP.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 22:53

also just remember the good things. wonderful kids, sunny weather (finally!!) and that if you go one day at a time, you'll realise they soon add up and feel a real sense of achievement

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 23:00

I did make an effort to take the children out in the sunshine today, and the day was better than yesterday, when things were getting on top of me badly, but I couldn't go & cry because of the boys, so ended up horribly short tempered.
Every morning I get up wanting to get it right, but sometimes I really feel like I can't cope.

OP posts:
elasticbandstand · 06/04/2007 23:03

i found when my were difficult all they really wanted was attention... and they were happy again..not saying it is a bundle of roses, but, hey at leat it is not raining. i also had to and still do, get out every day..

Sez23 · 06/04/2007 23:04

take a deep breath, remind yourself that you can do ANYTHING. mum should mean SUPERWOMAN in any language. you will get through

gtimama · 06/04/2007 23:08

Notagoodmum - I bet every mother there is has had days like this. I know I have. Two weeks ago they came to a head and I contacted my HV. We have been through a very hard time the last 18 months. Won't go into too much detail, but basically left husband with 3 DD's ended up in a refuge. Had to sort out housing, get job, sort out finances, arrange divorce. Had to leave pets behind. Children blamed me cos they didn't know truth of everything and all they saw is that I took them away from their dad. Lots of other stuff gone on as well, so lots of stress. Upshot of all this is that we are going to get some family councelling - which will hopefully help all of us.

Anyway, although we have had very bad days when all I've done is yell at them. Yesterday my 2 youngest (8) put on a show for me in which they sang a song they had made up called 'We love you mummy'.

Don't keep putting yourself down. Your kids love you and I bet your a brilliant mum.

SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns · 06/04/2007 23:08

I see you've still got that name glad today was a bit better for you. You are not a bad mum. Honestly.

If things are getting on top of you, go to the doctor and have a chat with him/her.

Have been thinking of you today.

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 23:09

I know that half of their misbehaviour (other than their own little squabbles) is probably an attempt to get attention & I was thinking this yesterday, but I was almost too stressed out to snap out of my bad mood & take the calm approach that I knew I should be taking, if that makes any sense.
I can be a good mum sometimes, but other times I just can't cope.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 23:11

even when you feel like you can't cope, do you still manage to look after them? make them smile?

elasticbandstand · 06/04/2007 23:13

do yo get a break from them?>

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 23:14

Sorry to hear what an awful time you have had recently, gtimama.
Bless your DC for putting on their little show & showing how much they loved you.
After my horrible horrible mummy day yesterday, my DS came into my room this morning & told me how much he missed me when I nipped out last night. Bless him.
SDHCB - thanks for thinking of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 23:16

I do manage to look after them & I do try & do things with them.
I don't get much help really. I have been totally on my own with them over the last couple of days.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 23:16

simple maths. happy kids=good mum. even if you don't feel like it all the time

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 23:19

Thanks Sez. When I am a horrible dragon mum, I do feel so terrible & am scared I'm damaging them.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 23:22

don't forget kids can grow up in the worst conditions (thinking famines and diseases here) and they still b ecome well balanced people. broken homes and abusive parents.... still well balanced children. so a little freak out once in a while isn't gonna hurt

Original poster
notagoodmum · 06/04/2007 23:25

But my poor children are having their family broken up & a grumpy mum on top.

OP posts:
Sez23 · 06/04/2007 23:29

and they still love you. kno you have a lot to deal with, but children are strong and resilient

gtimama · 06/04/2007 23:30

notagoodmum - children are very resilient and adapt to change alot better than you would think. It's you that will have the problem with it, more than your kids. You will have grumpy days, lonely days, sad days, but you will get through it and in amongst those days there will be happy ones.

I know, I've been there. I'm still there. It's hard, I won't lie, but the thought of it is worse than the actuality of it.