That's how it feels. Like a horrible pac man gobbling up the days when I could have been happy and useful. Each time I come out of an episode I think I'm actually better, but sooner or later it creeps back in and I am so sick of having my happiness and potential being strangled and going through long periods of just following my internal rules that let me do the basics of daily life but nothing else.
My rules are -clean hair, clean clothes, washing up done, kitchen cleaned, load of washing done if needed. Not exactly a fulfilling lifestyle! I'm 42 now and don't feel that I have enough life left to be donating bits to Evil Pacman (which is black with red eyes and mouth if you wanted to know).