I convinced the medical people that I was ready to return to work. They really, really didn't want to do this.
I think I am slipping back into crisis again, and my thoughts are confused and fuzzy (will contact crisis when/if needed).
Since going back I am part-time, but I still cannot cope with the utter exhaustion. And then I am back into the cycle of self-loathing, guilt, feeling inadequate, cannot be bothered to do anything. I come home and that's it, I do nothing. My hygiene is erm bad and I am only bathing because it's a social norm. But even then although my hair will need a wash, I am not doing it. My lack of concentration isn't the greatest, and my memory is down. Although exhausted I am also restless and constantly fidgeting. The dr noticed this last week as well.
So I take a day off. I have to. But then I get stuck into the return to work cycle knowing I am in trouble at work and the comments from co-workers. This then makes it harder to go back. I do after a day or two. The comments also play on me. They are trying to be nice, but you can tell they are pissed off. Others just avoid me which is really isolating as you can imagine. Never mind rooms go quiet when I walk in. I try not to let it get to me, but it does. This probably doesn't help with the exhaustion because it plays on my mind. And the cycle continues.
The only thing I seem to be in control of at the moment is food. But as part of my punishment, I have reduced my intake and lost over half a stone in the past two weeks. At the moment this is being put down to return to work.
I know if I carry on I will be sacked. I cannot see a way out. I know certain steps have to be taken and this wouldn't happen this month.
Or I can call it quits and resign.
But either way fills me with dread. I am a single parent and would be without income. So it boils down to do I go without money sooner rather than later?