Frequent lurker and occasional poster but name-changed for this.
I spent just over two years on sertraline following the death of my mother. Came off it cold turkey - I know this was a bad idea but it happened sort of accidentally. I was under a lot of pressure and disorganised so missed a repeat prescription and didn't have my meds for a few days. I felt ok-ish and so, given that I was on a low dose (can't remember the mg now but it was just one tab) and having never liked the idea of being on ADs long term I decided just to carry on without. A few more days in and I realised I'd blundered! I stuck with it but went through two - three months of sheer hell. Crying all the time and really felt I was going insane. Things gradually improved. This was last summer/autumn. Since then I've had to give up work due to DH's health and I've really slumped. I have multiple issues - death of my DH and DF in the last three years, feeling of guilt in relation to DM, feelings of loss due to DH's progressive, incurable illness and our childlessness, the loss of some previously very important friendships (long and complicated stories!). I love my DH to bits, live in a nice, safe area and have some good friends so feel guilty for feeling this way but have feelings of despair and can'tsee what the future holds other than getting older. I feel I've lost so much and can't do anything about the things that make me unhappy. There's no way to change any of it. I wonder if I should go back on sertraline but I went through so much coming off it and I hate the idea of feeling better just because I'm taking something that stops me feeling properly.
I don't really know what I'm asking.