Desperately unhappy.

[QueenFuri]

My partner of 12 years walked out on us 10 days ago, September is a difficult month for me as it was the anniversary of my mum's death 3 days after he left, it's only the second year so still very raw as I'm NC with other family members it's also my birthday on Monday and anniversary my mum's funeral etc I know I sound pathetic..

I don't have anyone I could class as a friend, I have people who call me when there is no one else available, one of them in fact messaged me earlier asking if DP tried it on when he visited earlier this and the text I sent DP earlier being read and ignored has tipped me over the edge.

When I was a teen I used too self harm and I'm ashamed to say after many many years I attempted hurt myself I haven't but the loneliness and utter feeling of despair overwhelmed me I'm so so unhappy my children are asleep, I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night since he left I'm exhausted, I haven't spoken to anyone properly since DP hasn't spoken much too me I don't know if this split is temporary or permanent. I'm already on medication for anxiety so not much use going to the GP, I'm lying in bed at the moment I can't switch off I just had to get this out..

You don't sound pathetic. You're in a difficult situation, but this could also be the start of a fantastic future even though you can't see it right now. The world is full of opportunities, and you've got many potential best friends here on Mumsnet. Use the Sunday to go for a walk and get fresh air and take in the sights, it could be a new start. You don't have to solve every problem right away. As for the birthday, instead of sitting home alone, you could choose to take your children and go and see a funny film and eat out (even if it's at the MacDonalds) - everything is better than sitting at home alone.

Oh OP. Nighttime is horrific when you have bad things going on. Can you get up, make tea, turn on the lights and do something useful or distracting for a few hours till you're ready to sleep? Maybe some tapes to listen to (meditation or just books). You need to find both coping mechanisms for when you feel desperate and also some way to move forward. It's not easy but can you try to join something nearby like even a knitting group or book club to make some friends and become part of something.

Also it goes without saying but a trip to your GP to discuss feeling low and heading towards self harm is needed. Can you afford some private counselling?

I just remembered it sometimes helps to turn on the radio if you can't sleep at night, having it turned on in the background (quite softly, actually).

But please be kind this yourself and stop contacting DP. It's Sunday, so do something for yourself today.

If your pathetic then I'm bat crazy. DP left 14 days today.

It's a heartbreaking time of confusion and up and down emotions. I go from being angry to sobbing to questioning everything. The text thing is horrible too....do u text, not ext, reply not reply.

What's clear to me at this point, is that its a case of getting through each day as best as we can.
You have the added heartache of the events this month

We have to sleep and rest when we can, and drink lots of fluids to wash all those stress hormones out and reach out to people....bore people stupid...but better out than in. It's all temporary.

At some point in your life you didn't know him, weren't aware of him and you were just fine. You will be fine again. We'll be fine again. We've just got to work through all the emotions and there's no skipping that bit I'm afraid. But your not on your own

Thank you for all the kind comments

I wish I could say feel better this morning, I think I fell asleep about 5.30 and got a couple of hours before DS woke up.. I just feel heartbroken DP and his family were all I had, my chest hurts so much. My poor children are on the Xbox and I intend to let them stay there a couple of hours yet then hopefully I can have a decent sleep tonight..

Wheelycote I'm so sorry your going through this too it's just shit

It's about a week since I posted this I would like to say things are better but they are not. Last weekend after I posted this my ex completely ripped my heart out by telling me he didn't love me felt nothing then we slept together twice. Since then I've had nothing I don't know where I stand I've not spoken to one person this week except my children I've had about 6 hours sleep all week and I'm at rock bottom I just don't see how this can get any better my whole life has been one heartache after another and I am done. I'm going to go to the GP on Tuesday but that seems so long away..

Sorry to hear this, I think the doctor is a good move.