Totally exhausted - depressed husband

[Blues123]

My husband is depressed. Has had a hyper manic episode and medicated temporarily but no longer required medication. Has been seeing a psychologist for 2 yrs. We've been together for 5 yrs, one daughter 6months old.
I'm exhausted from helping him manage his mental illness, from being the sole financial provider (he had chosen to start his own business and is running at a loss currently), being the homemaker, emotional support providerand through all that it hasn't gotten better and i feel so unloved and unappreciated.

What do I do? I don't even know where to start. I am so sad but i can't be sad because it will make him more sad.

He says he thinks no one likes him. He doesnt feel worthy and is useless. I am constantly showing him my love and it hurts he never feels it or much less appreciates it.

What do I do? I love him but I am so distraught at the thought this will be my life, this anguish and constant fear and never being able to relax. I'm only 25, I cant do this for another 50years.... does it get better? Please can I have some advice x

Blues I've been exactly where you are and sympathise hugely. It's awful isn't it. So sorry to hear you're getting so little support. I would go to your GP and ask for a carers assessment. Caring for someone with a mental illness can suck the life out of you.

I completely understand what you're saying about your marriage, I have felt the same often. There's been quite a lot of grieving going on for me recently, for the marriage and future I'd expected.

Sorry I can't remember where your husband is psychiatrist and medication wise. I have heard many good thing about lithium, really hope he'll benefit from it.

For a time I found it helpful to say to myself, I'll give this another year, with OH on meds and therapy and then decide about the longer term. Would that approach help you?

A break is good if you can organise it. Either you and dd going away, or your OH? Keep posting OP

Thanks everyone, your messages mean so much and it really helps to have someone to talk to x
I am not sure if there are any financial benefits we can claim, my husband is not a Perm resident here (Australia) and can't claim anything. I am a relatively high earner but am supporting my child and my husband's 2 children from previous relationship so money is tight.
Last 2 days have been better than I expected, he is taking olazapine in the evenings and is in a good place, not manic but not depressed. We are talking to someone about lomg term options tmw. I am just worried all the time, worried that one day he'll just collapse back into mania or depression. I love him with all my heart, I want to continue with the marriage, it's just hard to always be on the lookout and wondering... How do you cope with this? How good are the good times really...

I would love to go away for a bit, my family lives 1000km away though and I cant just leave. Christmas will be my first break, that's not too far away.

Today I am hopeful which is a totally new feeling. xx Thank you everyone for being here.

Hi Blues123 glad we're helping

Re the uncertainty and anxiety, for me there's been no easy answer. OH has lots of little ups and downs, and a major, major crisis every 2 years. I still think the worst when he says something a little peculiar... The fact that OH now has a diagnosis of BP1 and is under a psychiatrist and community mental health team helps. Whatever act he may put on next time he's manic, his history now backs up what I've been saying for many years.

The fact that you say you love him with all your heart, and you want this marriage to work is a real positive. If he keeps listening to you and his docs, taking meds and proactively taking care of himself then there is hope.

Night.

My husband starting on olanzapine changed our lives. It has worked really well for him, I hope it's as successful for your husband. I'm so glad things are feeling a bit more positive.

It is really hard to relax when you are always on the look out for another crisis starting. I also found that knowing we have support from my husband's mental health team, and knowing I can call them if I'm worried and they will come straight out make a huge difference. I feel like part of a team that supports him now rather than being the only one and the responsibility is shared which really helps.

Something that has been very helpful is working with my husband and his CPN to look at what the warning signs are and putting a plan in action for what we need to do if we spot these signs. This helps me to feel a bit more in control, particularly as spotting the early signs and getting help early has nipped things in the bud and averted the crisis a few times now. Each time that hsppens I feel more confident about the future.