desperately lonely

[letsstickmyhandinthere]

I suffer from severe social anxiety and it's crippling me.
I have a 2 year old DD and I'm basically posting this for her sake, I have literally no friends where I live and I've been here over year.
I moved from London after a horrible separation for my DD's dad. It involved DV and a nasty build up to court but he's gone now and barred from our lives. But his grip still holds, ive got a lovely DP now and a young DS but struggle so much with getting out the house. I'm fine going shopping or to the kids appointments as long as it involves minimal social interaction with strangers. This is after months of trying but I can't seem to make any friends. My DD needs to play with other children her age so I'm looking into nursery for her, the only play dates she has is when my DP is off work and can be here as I can't cope with it alone yet.
It's not fair on any of them, I'm allowing my past to affect them.
I don't really know what to say or what answers I'm gunna get here but does anyone have any idea how I can help myself or advice.
I can't manage baby and toddler groups yet there's far too many judgy parents here.
Has anyone else had anxiety this bad and come out from it or am I doomed to be this lonely forever

No you're not doomed to be this lonely forever - and this post is the very start of not being! Well done! It takes balls to admit that you're stuck and need help....

I'm now on my last day of work to take maternity myself... but I was able to come back to work a few months ago after suffering horribly with depression and anxiety where I couldn't leave the house for fear of bumping into people, any people - I don't have friends in the area I live either so I was literally just scared of seeing strangers!!

You need to take it easy on yourself. Take baby steps, breathe - when I was having a panic attack I found the 4, 4, 8 way really helpful, breath in through the nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds and then exhale through mouth for 8 seconds. Repeat till you feel calm.

When my DS was a toddler he didn't have play dates, I took him to the park and let him play there with other children - I sat away from other parents mostly till I felt comfortable enough in the environment to have a small conversation with them.

Your symptoms are not that uncommon so you are very much not alone :) Good luck OP xx

Things can get better for you op. It would be good to visit your gp who should be able to signpost you to counselling services. I found CBT very helpful, in addition to a low dose of anti anxiety tablets. Don't be hard on yourself, you've been through a very tough past. PTSD can occur after leaving a violent relationship, far more often than you'd think. All the best to you.

I spent 7 years trapped in his house barely leaving so I've come a long way from there. I was on medication throughout court I felt on a different planet with them and really don't want to go back there.
gotta I never thought of it as ptsd before and rarely visit the Gp about any of this. Since moving I've noticed the health professionals here don't care for anxiety they think you are incapable of looking after children.
Rachel I'd love to take her to the park but even that triggers it. I walk past it to go to town and scope it out, I can only go in if there's no one else there and DD needs to be fullyour supervised on and off the play equipment she's only just learnt to walk and has very weak joints so struggles with moving around.
I went to take her to soft play a few weeks ago and ended up having a panic attack in the cab and coming home. I also can't cope with loud noises or too many noises at once (my children screaming ect don't bother me) so any kind of place with a lot of children causes panic

Hi OP it's horrid being lonely, I often feel lonely too. Is there anything you enjoy doing, singing for eg or yoga? I go to a community activity where expectations are low and everyone is very chilled and calm.

You are welcome on the anxiety chat thread where we all understand about anxiety and live with it every day.

To be honest I haven't found a hobby yet after moving here all I've done is focus on my DD an DS. I've tried crochet and enjoy that but I don't really get much me time with both of the kids.
I haven't seen the anxiety thread il have a look for it ☺

To be honest I haven't found a hobby yet after moving here all I've done is focus on my DD an DS. I've tried crochet and enjoy that but I don't really get much me time with both of the kids.
I haven't seen the anxiety thread il have a look for it ☺

I could of wrote this myself op. Since I had my Ds I've felt so alone, I am with his dad but live rural and can't drive, I am in the house every day, unless we have a walk to the shop or park, or if I get the bus to my mums. I have 0 friends. I feel like such a shit mum sometimes being stuck in, I could get a train to places but the thought of going on my own I don't like. He's started nursery a few days a week now so I'm glad he has kids to play with.

I was a major recluse after first having him, I'm not as bad now but I am mostly in. Where are you from?

Download the app "Mush" if you can, its an app where mums can meet have play dates etc if that would interest you x

Not getting out the house would make me feel guilty some days we'd sit watching films all day or ds would sit on the iPad for hours, it's not good but it's the truth, now if I'm in I try and plan a few things during the day, building blocks, reading books, painting, drawing, "help" tidying up, baking cakes, playing in the garden. They don't last long but it made me feel better not having him sat infront of the tv and less guilty for going out

Yes come over :)

Might sound crazy, but have you thought about Parkrun. You can push a buggy round and walk, very supportive environment and free. You don't have to talk to anyone but can if you want. Just being amongst other people doing the same thing with no pressure can relieve the loneliness. Fresh air and exercise are a lifesaver for my mental wellbeing.