I know that the title is a bit melodramatic, but it is a reflection on my feelings.
I have been told my contract as a freelancer ended with my employer a month before my brother passed away from bowel cancer.
We don't earn much as a family and my DH works in London but commutes to East Anglia so most of his salary goes on travel etc. I have no savings as I earned so little working part time last year, and can barely pay my bills this month with the little money that my ex-employer owe me. They were notorious for being lax about paying me on time, and my DH hated this - he had a massive go at me on the phone just now telling me to give them a bollocking about it, saying I was too soft and that I'm a doormat. He is correct, and I hate that he is right but I know I need to be more assertive when it comes to money etc.
I had a great well paid job 10 years ago when I worked full time and earned loads more than I do now. I'm barely scraping by and fear that my life is going on a downwards spiral that I can't control. I'm applying like mad to jobs that I'm well qualified for but hear nothing back. I don't even know whether I'll be given a look in for the cleaner job at my daughter's school I asked about today...
I feel so demoralised at the moment. I've been made redundant twice before and was entitled to Job Seeker's but now I haven't been paying enough tax, I'm entitled to nothing. I also don't qualify for working tax credits either as DH earns too much.
I guess I just need an un-MN hug and told things will improve, as I can feel myself getting very depressed if this carries on.