Suicide ideation, normal?

[MyNewNameAgain]

I have name changed, as my ex looks for me on here and I don't want to give him anything else to throw at me.

I have had fairly long term mental health issues, self harm, depression, intrusive thoughts, disordered eating, occasional hallucinations. My life has been spiralling a little recently and I find myself thinking about suicide fairly frequently at the moment, every week or so. At the time it seems entirely reasonable, though that time dissipates fairly quickly. As I say, I have a history of dodgy mental health, I think I may have lost sight of what's normal and when it's time to seek help. Is it actually normal to ponder suicide sometimes, or is this just always something it's better to always ask for help with? My mind frightens me sometimes, but I always feel normal again within a day. At the time though, it does seem quite serious.

I tend to avoid medical professionals. I have gone to hospital to get myself stuck back together occasionally, but never actually admitted the rest of it. The thought of telling a doctor frightens me rather, but I begin to think I might need to. How abnormal really is this?

No this is not normal thinking. It's definately time to get help. I can understand how normal thse kind of thoughts can feel. It's taken me years to realise that when I start to get urges to self harm it's a sign my stress levels are high and I need to take action. I had got so used to these thoughts being in the background thete was something familiar and comforting about them.

Go and have a chat with your GP, they really can help.

I haven't been to the GP for many years apart from for pregnancy, smear test or coil related things. I feel a bit daunted by the prospect. Do you know what would be likely to happen? I remember from hospital, them saying that unless I was a danger to my own life, everything would remain confidential. I am concerned about the prospect of my ex discovering this. He would try very hard to use it as leverage against me regarding the DC'so and custody/contact.

Meaning by that, would this be something that remained confidential I suppose?

Google suicidal ideation. This is the name for your thoughts.

Definitely see your doc

Unless they think you are a danger to yourself or others it will 100% be confidential. Even in those circumstances they would only be sharing information with relevant profesionals not your ex.

Thank you.

I don't think your GP would disclose this. Suicide ideation is different to being suicidal and your GP shouldn't view you as being in immediate danger. It is not normal and you should definitely see someone, best wishes for you OP

Sorry my wording is shite. Suicide ideation does not necessarily mean someone is suicidal, obviously in some instances it is. My point being the doctor should discuss the details of your thoughts and not hit the panic button when you say the 's' word.

Thank you I'm sticking, that's quite comforting to hear.

What do I do? What should I say when I ring to make the appointment?

If they ask why you want an appointment you can just say that it's confidential and you only wish to discuss it with the Dr not the receptionist.