Help please OCD friend

[Afriendinneed17]

Hello there,

I'm posting because I'm genuinely worried about a friend of mine. I've used this board before to help out an issue she had and everyone was so incredibly helpful.

To summarise she's had a lot of trauma recently with some medical (non mental health)issues. It's set her back with her anxiety and OCD has resurfaced. It manifests itself with her ruminating and going over things in her head.

She's been having terrible dreams recently all bought on by this trauma to. Shes so worried. I've of course told her she doesn't need to worry, she needs to calm down and take some time out. I thought if I could get people's opinions then I could show her and it might help her to think more logically. If you met her, she's the most lovely person and would do anything for anyone. She loves her DD to the end of the earth and back and like all of us, would take a bullet for her over and over again. She hasn't a bad bone in her body. So her issue : this happened a year/year and a half ago. Her DD is 2.5. She didn't think anything of this issue until it popped up in her head the last few days (bought on by all the OCD) :

Her DD was on her cot top changer and she was either dressing her for the day and/or just changing her nappy. Can't remember which. She was tickling her all over like you do because their laugh is just the cutest and hearing them giggle is the best sound! She still does it now and says she will continue to do so unless DD tells her not too! Like most of us mums!
So she was tickling her all over, belly, under arms, thighs that type of thing, quickly and fast and saying "tickle tickle, tickle tickle" and then without even thinking she did it on her female parts. It wasn't skin on skin, there was a Muslin in her hand at the time, that She remembers (if that makes any difference!) it was a split second while she was about to pat her dry and then She thought ooops and said "sorry little one, I didn't mean to do that" she got caught up in the tickle mode I didn't even engage her brain.

Now she's agonising over the fact she thinks she is a monster and a molester and should be put down. She is not a monster. Far from it. Its eating her up and I can't bare to see her like this. I've known her all my life and feel helpless.

Any other mumsnetters that can offer any other perspective/words of wisdom?

Thank you

Anyone?

Oh bless her.

Firstly, yeah I've touched my sons bits without thinking a when tickling him (he likes a lower belly tickle during a nappy change!)

Second, please let her know this is a really normal part of OCD. The intrusive thoughts making her believe she's a sexual monster. She really isn't. It's just the OCD. And it can be really common in OCD too, just so she knows she has nothing to be embarrassed about.

I actually read what you wrote and my first thought was that she sounds like a lovely mummy her DD is a a lucky girl.

Ps you probably won't get much traffic here so may not get many replies!

I've had ocd problems in the past with intrusive thoughts and rituals. The problem is that no one can ever 100% promise you that you're not an abuser etc (for me it was anxiety I'd run someone over when driving).

What helped me was my counsellor challenging me on why I was worried about that an not about a gas leak causing a house explosion for example. This s helped me to see that no amount of rituals or ruminations would ever be guaranteed to prevent me doing something 'wrong'.

I hope that makes sense. To be honest I think the best way you can help your friend is to encourage her to speak to her gp if she hasn't already as sadly I suspect no amount of reassurance from strangers could ever satisfy ocd compulsive thoughts, which is why OCD is so tricky. But you can tell her from me that recovery is possible!

Thank you blue, that'll be a comfort to her I'm sure. She does actually get a lot of reassurance from people's advice even though I know a lot of OCD people don't and they keep on searching. I'm confident that knowing she's not alone and done done thing so innocent will help her a lot. Thank you.

Milkjet, I'm so pleased you've overcome your OCD. She's spoken to her GP so many times it's ridiculous. Nothing ever seems to come of it except referrals that go no where and then if she does see someone it's just not the right type of therapy etc. She's now seriously considering paying privately for counselling. Someone who specifies in her type of mental health. Surprisingly she does take great comfort in reassurance and advice from strangers. Even after speaking to me I can tell how much it helps. She is such a sweetheart and good person. I don't know why it chooses her. It's just so unfair.

Oh she hasn't done anything wrong at all! It was just a baby tickle

For therapy she will need either an experienced CBT therapist (try babcp website) or a psychologist with CBT experience. Rapport is everything - she needs to feel safe with the therapist

I think she sounds like a lovely mum 😊

Thank you sourpatch. That's so lovely of you to reply and thank you for the advice re therapists too. xx

Just would like to keep this post bumped a bit longer x

Get her to read 'Mad Girl' by Bryony Gordon, these unpleasant intrusive thoughts are common in pure OCD. Bryonys book was a revelation to me because you think you're the only one suffering like this I found it incredibly helpful.

Pannalash, thank you, that sounds like a good option. Will check out on Amazon now! How is your OCD now? Did the book help you overcome it? What do you think regarding the situation that is eating her up? (Would like to show her as many peoples replies as poss!). Xx

Op you probably won't get many replies here.

Maybe ask in chat if you feel able to (or aibu although that can be brutal)

I'm sad for her that she's struggling with this - poor lass