To admit I have a problem

[ILoveMrDarcy]

I know I do. I'm on anti depressants, 100mg of Sertraline. But it's worse than that.

I've been a single mother for years, I suffered (and still do suffer) emotional abuse from XH. I have very little confidence in myself so haven't met anyone else. I have been bulimic (this is the first time I have ever written that down) for 25 years. On and off. I don't binge, I just routinely make myself sick. I take laxatives. I drink too much. Wine every day.

I'm just a mess of a human being. I have a good job and some days it takes all my effort to get out of bed.

I'm financially inept, I'm utterly chaotic and disorganised in my personal life and my work life too. I don't like the person I am but I don't know how to change it.

I told my doctor about the anxiety and the alcohol. But have not mentioned the ED. Because that's what it is isn't it? Even though I don't binge.

Well done for writing that Down. That took courage. Is it an eating disorder or a reaction to your anxiety? No one here can tell you that. Does it need a label? Only if that label helps you to overcome it.

Have you been offered any counselling?

You have quite a skewed image of yourself.you describe a mess of a person - What I see is someone who despite difficult circumstances manages to hold down a good job (they aren't without stress are they) look after her dc whilst still having to deal with bastard ex. Is there any wonder you are reaching out for crutches to help.

I think it's really important that you tell your Dr about the eating issues because it might be that they need to adapt your medication - certain Ads will cause changes in appetite and metabolism. It might (I don't know) mean that trying a different ad (there are tons!) Might help but you would really benefit from someone turning all that negativity about yourself on it's head.

Don't ask too much of yourself - you're doing a grand job. Really you are x

@LEMtheoriginal

Thank you so much for your reply. I know you are right and I do have a very skewed perception of myself and I do use wine as a crutch.

I will talk to my doctor about the food issue. I don't see it as an eating disorder but maybe that's what it is. I just worry about what I'm doing to my children. I left my husband to create a better life for them and I feel I haven't. They have an anxious, irrational, financially inept, vomiting alcoholic mother instead...

The doctor did suggest CBT to see what the triggers were for the drinking. I know what it is though, when I drink I temporarily forget all the other issues, I forget that I've been single for 14 years and that no one wants to be with me.

But this sounds like I'm wallowing and I don't do self pity!

Thank you for your lovely reply xx