I am a long term anxiety sufferer, have posted here before for support but have name changed for this.
In the past I have suffered from sometimes quite intense anxiety periods and attacks (in my 20s) went on anti depressants then and had CBT, I now keep a handle on it most of the time but certain things still make me (overly) anxious e.g going on a train (worry of terror attack), going to big event e.g. wedding (worry I will make a fool of myself or shout out in the ceremony etc etc). Anyway this has lessened over the years (36 now) but I still always get anxious when my partner is going away without me (or out at night / something out of the 'routine').
He has never once given me a reason to be anxious or concerned about his behaviour (except once when his phone died but that wasn't his fault). He is aware of my anxiety (and hates it) but because mostly I have it in check it doesn't interfere with our life.
He is going out this weekend to a large event with work, it's a big party to thank them for their hard work and offices from around the country will be there so about 2000 people. It sounds lovely and fun (free food, booze and entertainment all eve) and he comes home at the end, I have not asked when (as would be an alarm bell to him that I am worrying) but would imagine will be around 2-3am. I literally cannot stop catastrophising in my head about it. a.) what if he doesn't come home and sleeps with someone else (this is my no.1 fear, ex cheated on my and think I have some trust issues even though I actually trust my DP more than anyone else ever...), 2.) what if his phone dies and I can't reach him / don't know what he's doing (clearly this is crazy as why should I need to...), 3.) what if there's some sort of terrorist attack as it's a big venue (this one i believe to be moderately more rational but is still scaring me.
DP rarely goes out late these days or with people I don't know, he is a lovely man who adores his children and I don't think would ever consider cheating on me but I literally cannot stop worrying 'he might'. I don't want to talk to him about it because I really know he hates me being like this (rightly so) and also because I want him to have a great time with his colleagues (deserves it) but what can I do to feel less anxious?? I am at work Friday day and then have some friends coming for drink at mine in the evening (to take my mind off it) but I can feel escalating levels of anxiety already and i just want to find a way to deal with these insane thoughts and feelings.
I have similar anxieties with my kids when they go away (car crash / kidnapping etc) but for some reason with my partner I feel worse about it because I know how much he would hate me for being like this if he knew, it hurts him that I would think he would do something like cheat on me which I understand but i can't stop doing it!
Anyone else have this problem and if so how the hell do you address it? It has made me realise that all my underlying anxieties are still there...i brush over them because it's easier now we have 2 kids and we are so busy but underneath I am still often anxious about things and wish I could find a way not to be.