Am I ready to go back to work?

[tiggersdontlikehoney]

I don't exactly trust my own mind right now, but got some good advice on here a few week ago.

Was put on Sick Leave for 4 weeks, due back this week. Due to see GP just before that so they can assess how I am.

So far, the first week of Sick Leave I started to look after myself, feel better. Then I received information from my employer to say they were doing some things in my absence that seem quite punitive, I got very upset and stressed, really low mood, get the impression I will be punished for going on Sick Leave. My union rep advises I submit a grievance, it feels like it's all falling apart and I'm dreading going back.

The closer it gets the more jittery I get - in the past few days insomnia at 4am twice, shaky, anxious through the day time, fearful, binge eating on junk food. Trying to calm myself down. Already on ADs but a low dose. It's like my thoughts are spinning.

I feel like I ought to go back, and my employer will just form a worse opinion of me the longer I stay off. But if I go back and am not up to the job because I'm not well I will just make things worse for myself? Kind of a no win situation.

Maybe the thought of going back is being magnified in your mind the longer you leave it - it might be better to bite the bullet and go back and see? Make sure you have a chat with HR the day you return. They owe you a duty of care.

Can you sort out some weekly therapy for yourself - make sure you have ongoing support?

Make sure you tell your GP what has been happening with your employer and how it has made you feel. To reassure you - 4 weeks off work with MH problems is NOT a long time. I was off for 6 months and knew others who were off for longer.

To me it doesn't sound like you are ready to go back yet. Consider which will be worse regarding you firms sick leave policy too, which I remember being pretty draconian. Is it better to be off once for longer or to go back and then need to go off sick again?

I would book in with your GP this week for a review before you are due back. If just the thought of going back is doing this to you I suspect they will tell you that you are not ready yet.

Ask for a meeting to discuss. They should be supporting you to return not adding more stress. Could you do a phased return?

Please ask for a referral to occupational health. They will be able to assess you and your fitness for work, signpost you to and counselling etc and also advise you and management of any temporary modifications to your work which may be useful, e.g. a phased return, more support, meeting with management to discuss your stressors etc. Good luck op.

Thank you everyone. GP appointment tomorrow. Will be honest with them.

NHS and OH have not been much help so far. Private therapist I saw only had slots for weekday mornings which wasn't ideal with work so am still looking for someone with availability. And someone affordable.

Signed off for another month.
Just as well, I felt like I could barely hold it together in the GP office, by the time I got there was so anxious about talking to them (possibly a side effect of the ADs? - super high anxiety, jumpy, shaking, insomnia in the first week after re-starting them)
I cried afterwards at the mere experience of having someone take me seriously and give me this extra time to try and sort myself out.

One thing to ask those of who who have returned to work - what tends to happen?
I ask because, although my boss knew I was due to return today, I received nothing at all from my employer. I was looking out for it, I suppose expecting something along the line of 'you are returning to work soon, we will need to meet'. But received no communications at all.
Then, when I sent a message about the renewed sick note, can see boss is on leave. Which of course they are entitled to do. But if I had gone back, I wouldn't even know where my desk was (as they have removed my office in my absence, or what my work was.
Maybe they were waiting for me to get in touch with them. Trying not to be paranoid.

I still feel so super anxious today, like I'm high wired and my head might explode. But also upset and wanting to cry. The AD is Duloxetine, if anyone has any experience of this.

That's great news. To be fair on the employer, it is difficult to know whether to contact someone who is off with MH problems - because you don't want to be accused of making their problems worse by reminding them about work (which may be interpreted as pressuring them to come back). However, when (if) you do return, I strongly recommend contacting OH and having a phased return (not returning to your normal hours straight away) - this is completely normal.

Glad your GP is taking you seriously. I was off for 12 weeks recently and had a meeting with my manager every time my sicknote was renewed, but I think it was me that instigated this as I wanted to test out how I felt going in (it wasn't work related stress so quite different situation) I had several phone and text conversation with her too during this time but can't remember who contacted who each time.

I would definately second both contacting OH and the phased return. I got a huge ammount of support from OH starting from before I went off sick with councelling, then psychology, then back to councelling again which continued whilst I was off sick and is still continuing now 12 months later. My phased return is ongoing and has been discussed with my manager at regular meetings throughout. If anything she has been the one to slow me down and stop me taking on too much too quickly. Your GP can guide the phased return with fit notes if your manager is not as helpful/experienced.