My anxiety has got to a point where I cannot cope anymore. I've been very good at passing myself off as fine for years, I'm always "okay" or "doing fine".
I tend to hold things together, faking my smiles and persona. I seem well on the outside: managing a new house, coping with a newborn and school aged child, dealing with ex/DS dad and his abuse, money worries, maternity leave etc.
However I am falling apart on the inside.
I've always worried about things, seemingly unimportant things, but now it's getting to a point where I cannot function properly. When my DS goes to his dads I worry he will be in a car accident; when I'm driving I worry about being in an accident; when I'm home I worry about the house not being tidy (after it has been cleaned) and get uptight and restless when there's nothing to do; I'm panicking about returning to work; I'm worried we will be involved in a horrific accident when out and about; I cannot stand large groups; people visiting my house has me on edge.
I also have a horrid temper now and find myself withdrawing from family life because I feel like a failure. I can't sleep, I can't relax, I've had chest pains, my skin has broken out, I'm teary, I have thoughts about hurting myself.
There's so much more and, finally, I've got to the point I need help. I've not spoken to anyone about feeling this way. How do you go about it? Even my OH doesn't know how I'm feeling.