I'm a mess

[FuckupArtist]

Total and utter mess
Selfish
Lazy
Thick as shit
Ugly
Fat
Can't function in a basic way
Total and utter fuck up
What is the point anymore? I literally bring nothing positive to anyone's life not even my own.
Why carry on when it's just going to be another 50 odd years of this fuckery?
My Children deserve better than me and so does my DP.
I'm fucking pointless.

Hi op. You are not pointless. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Do you have someone you can talk to ( family or friend) maybe you should call the dr in the morning and talk to them about how you are feeling. Your children will be much worse off without you here.

thank you for replying, I'm seeing my GP on Tuesday but I can't see what she can do for me.
I'm just awful and feel awful. I'm talking to my DP a lot but I feel such a burden

Have you thought of phoning the Samaritans? Just to have someone to listen to you? I think you can email them too.

Have you tried antidepressants?

How long have you felt like this OP?

not sure how long, a few months maybe?
Im deeply deeply flawed personality wise and very slow in terms of intelligence I have specific learning difficulties and possibly ADD.
Im just sick of myself and my inability to function like a normal person I'm so stupid and lack understanding, sometimes even at a very basic level.
I am so sick of being this person, sick of making mistakes, sick of hurting people around me with my thoughtless, idiotic actions.
Sick of being a shit mum, sick of being a burden to everyone around me, sick of putting on a mask to make people think I'm ok when I'm not.
Nothing will change because I will always be me, I can't escape from myself I'm stuck as this person until I die. I can't cope with that.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to me. I'm sorry for this disgusting self pity and embarrassing display of my internal crap. I really didn't expect anyone to respond so thank you for that.

I know how you feel . I've felt like this all my life but if you can remember what it's like to not feel like this then you have something to aim for
Maybe show your GP this thread, as if you're anything like me you might not be able to say it out loud or play it down once you're there.
I hope you get referred and get the help you need. I'm sure you're not all the things you think you are. MH is a shitter, like our brains are trying to kill us by making us think and feel all this shit which isn't really true.

Anyone who can write so articulately can't be stupid, believe me, I have done online dating . You sound so depressed, it can distort everything, I'm in the thick of it too. Hope you get the help and support you need.

I haven't read every comment but focusing on you, you are not pointless. You are worthwhile and meaningful. Take time to recognise that. It is not self pity, you are in a place where you need pointers and people here can do that.
You are worth all the time people here will give you, and more.

I second the comment about being articulate as I'd thought that too

Thank you for trying to build me up, it's so kind but I don't deserve it. You don't know how useless I am.

You are not useless, it's just your brain saying that. You are obviously not dim either, you write well (much better than me!).

Have you always felt like this? Life can get better, it really can. It takes time though and help .

I can't go past this without commenting. Please talk to your GP and access some counselling. You are worthy of all the good things in your life, your partner, your children, the home you have together however messy it is (and believe me I live in a mess and I know how it can get to a person). I have generalised anxiety disorder and couldn't imagine how anyone could help me do anything other than cope with the fear. With the help of therapy I've learned different ways of looking at the world and it's early days but it really helps. I wish I could hug you, all I can do instead is say you are not alone.

I will ask my GP on Tuesday, I'm actually having some counselling through mumsAid at the moment but while it helps in the moment I spiral very quickly afterwards.
I've always secretly thought these things but only in the last few months have I let the thoughts and feelings take over because I can't fight them anymore, I'm exhausted.
I just wish I could get out of my own head I'm so self absorbed and selfish at the moment, well always really. Selfish and self indulgent I make myself sick.

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself till the go? Even if it's stupid like stamp collecting

I've been where you are. No one but you thinks you are useless. Your family love you. Pm me if you want a chat or even start a thread about crap.

Just a quick message; you are ill not worthless or pointless. Please have a look at Mind online or give them a ring, they can signpost you to more help.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm absolutely useless as a person. I'm very lazy. My brain never stops but yet it never really starts if you know what I mean. I want a good life I just don't know how to get there. I'm academically lazy, I will do manual labour but I always seem to fuck that up too. Painting and decorating for instance. I can't swim, it took me years to pass my drivers test. I just feel absolutely worthless. The only thing that keeps me on this planet is that I know that I am more than capable of being a loving Mother. So long as I can be there firmly Children, read them a bed time story, comb their beautiful hair for them... then I know that I have to stick around. It hurts my heart to think I will never make anything of myself though. I've had plenty of ideas and goals but they all fail miserably. It's only a matter of time DH meets some intelligent and motivated broad at work and leaves my ass in the past. I am a waste. I hope you feel better soon, you sound like you love your children and to a child that really does mean something special. Not every child gets that privilege as silly as that sounds. Thinking of you.

Hi OP , how did it go at the GP?

Not too well, she wouldn't give me antidepressants because I'm breastfeeding at the moment, she said just stick with the counselling and come back when I've stopped feeding my DD.

Well that's shit. Did they offer any other advise? How r u feeling now?

Gp will help love. I felt exactly the same. Know that you are not alone.

Another one here saying you are incredibly articulate OP. Mental health issues can be incredibly draining and you need more support from your GP, is there another one at the practice you can see? You are none of the negative things that you say far from it. I don't know why we're so hard on ourselves when we suffer from mental health disorders if we had a more physical illness we would be much more likely to cut ourself some slack slap on a plaster or take some tablets, whereas with mental health problems we can often be so self critical. You are not alone