DH extreme anxiety

[YokoReturns]

Any responses really gratefully received!

DH has been staying with MIL while we have building work due to an episode of extreme anxiety 6 weeks ago. He's arrived home and is tearful and 'adrenaline rush-y', and keeps falling to his knees. He says he was able to cope in his own but add nearly finished building work and DCs into the mix and he's not coping.

He's been signed off work but is doing bits and bobs from home when he feels well enough to focus (GP has told work it's acid reflux, which it originally was).

He doesn't want to take ADs, he's got Kalms and I've ordered Rescue Remedy. I've also spoken to my counsellor friend about getting him some talking therapy, and we're going to download a mindfulness podcast.

How do I get him through next few weeks?? He swears he won't take ADs because they mess with his head (tried amitryptiline and one other and can't function on them). He's on his knees from lack of sleep etc.

Please help!! How does he get back up and running?? Any advice appreciated!!!

He keeps saying he wants to go back to MIL's house but clearly that's not a solution (and I believe MIL has been using his illness as narc supply for the past 6 weeks and keeps sending him texts about 'my love surrounds you' )

Bump!

I think the mindfulness approach is a good one
news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/
This book is life changing
www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X?tag=mumsnetforum-21

Mil is probably part of the problem but you can't say that!

Thank you so so much, will order!!

I've ordered the book, thank you theorchard Is rescue remedy good?

No problem, it's worth you both reading it to understand the science and it does require regular practise to work, some days are harder than others- bit like exercise really. But if you follow the eight week course it basically rewires your brain. It is a bit repetitive at times but that is part of why it works, so stick at it! It really helped me, anxiety can be so debilitating.

For me I think rescue remedy only works because it has brandy in! but lots of people seem to like it, and it won't do any harm to try.

Oh and the other thing that helps is to go for a long walk in the countryside at least 1.5hours if you can. He will sleep better if physically tired even if mentally stresed. And eat low gi so no blood sugar peaks and troughs, lots of whole foods, not processed - protein and veg basically. Final thing Epsom salts bath and /or magnesium supplements - loads of people are deficient and it helps with relaxation. Lots of little things can add up. But if he only picks one make it mindfulness

Thank you

Sex before sleep/bed. Sorry to be crass but an orgasm is the best thing to blast away anxiety and feel rested.

Don't tell him that's why! Just get amarous with him

poverty that was surprisingly successful last night!

Bump for the evening crowd. I'm also thinking of making him go running for the endorphins...

Get him to a counsellor ASAP if you have the cash. Also crying is great.

Thank you mushroom - I've made enquiries!

Could he have a thyroid issue? I had extreme anxiety before I got diagnosed with a thyroid condition 2 years ago. If your thyroid isn't optimal it can cause mental health issues.

I'm experiencing similar but the extreme part only lasted a week. It came from nowhere. Counsellor has been a lifesaver. I was also allowed to lie in bed for a few days and not be around the chaos of the dc, but six weeks is a really long time. Was there a trigger?

Counselling would be my first port of call. It's a shame he's so anti medication because it could really help him.

Won't the doctor prescribe a short course of diazepam? When I had an episode of severe anxiety that was the thing that saved me. However I had serious physical symptoms that didn't respond to physical treatment (they vanished with the diazepam). I was given enough meds for 1 week but only needed 3 days, then I was calm enough to gather my thoughts and start therapy. GP did prescribe ADs first but they made my anxiety shoot through the roof - they might work for anxiety for others but were awful for me and I wouldn't touch them wih a bargepole.

Beta blockers. They aren't ADs and will stop the adrenaline feeling. Take 10 minutes to work and are as and when needed.

DH has A&D and is having a crisis now.
I am crap at dealing with it but he goes out to see his oldest friend (who also has A&D) and they talk about their issues together.
Agree, a walk is brilliant for Anxiety. Say, "let's go to the (nearest beach/country house grounds/public footpath/hill/mountain) as a family, eh?" Indeed, any exercise helps.
DH is also anti-ADs and will not take his. I don't think, unless the Anxiety is severe, they are needed.
Also, look at his triggers. Commonly, my husband thinks everything his fault and then gets anxious about fixing it. He also feels very anxious about the health of his loved ones (including our young cat). He gets a bit obsessed with health scare stories on the Internet, and his politics has become a bit more right wing too! I have to try and encourage him away with his hobbies, like cooking, and art, or he begins to get very upset. Diversion, essentially.
Colouring books for adults works! My DD got DH a Game of Thrones one from WHSmith for his birthday, and that takes his mind off his worries for a time.

You guys are the best

The final straw was the building work, although lack of sleep and bad acid reflux have not helped.

He's going to GP on Monday - basically doesn't want work to know about the anxiety but I think they need to if he's going to have a phased return to work - has anyone got experience of this? He's been signed off to do a little work from home these past 3 weeks and HR have been sympathetic.

kohl will ask GP about thyroid. He's had lots of bloods recently but nothing's showed up.

Beta blockers and diazepammighg be a good start - will ask GP

Haha diazepam, phone had anxiety attack...

I have found exercise,mindfulness and meditation useful for anxiety, also councelling. I found Mirtazapine made a huge difference too (the first AD Flouxitine which had been helpful on the past) did nothing for me this time.

From a work perspective I would reccomend being honest with them because he may need a phased return, or reasonable adjustments. We nearly sacked one of my staff for consistent poor performance, thankfully when given his final warning he broke down and disclosed his problems with anxiety, a few simple adjustments later and his performance improved considerably and he's not looked back, he just needed the right support.

When I was off last my GP wrote stress related illness on my sicknotes. I was off 12 weeks and have had 8 months of phased return so far. Starting off with much reduced hours and duties and permission to use strategies such as going to a quiet area to work or leaving work to go for a walk. Im now nearly back to full duties and hours, but its been a slower process than I first thought. I'm lucky to have such a supportive manager.