Depression sufferer here

[Mummabear22]

Bear with me I'm going to give some background before getting to the point.
So since having my DD 19 months ago I have been battling with depression and anxiety. I have had 2 lots of CBT, been on various medications and I'm finally in an okay place. I'm now seeing a Psychologist and am on a better mix of meds. All through this my DP has been so supportive, I couldn't have asked for anyone better.

Now my problem, in the past month or so my DP has been having some mental health problems (he has a long history with it), he's been down, depressed, won't talk to me and is self-harming again. He's been to the GP is back on meds, is seeking help in the form of someone to talk to (a professional). I just don't know what to do to help, I feel like I'm not being supportive and that I'm going back down hill. I have no one IRL to talk to so here I am.
Hope someone can offer some help

Oh crikey you have been through it. Firstly, well done for facing it in yourself and getting help to get through it. I have found out this year how bloody difficult that is to do! Secondly, your husband is going to have to help himself, you know perhaps, that we can't pull each other out of this, we need outside help, we need support, we need to find that strength within ourselves, we need medication. Go easy on yourself and try and separate yourself from him emotionally a bit if you can. Perhaps as you know yourself how scary depression it is, it is terrifying to see it in him. I hear you. His journey is not yours though, his experience of this will be different from yours. Good luck and keep writing it down. Just keep breathing. I don't know if what I've said is any help, but I have been to a horrible place this year and I am slowly returning now (or I hope I am), and so I hope that I can offer you hope.

I support my husband who suffers from depression and episodes of psychosis. Last year we had the tables switched when I became unwell with PTSD and needed my husband to support me. Similar to your situation it was a DH was recovering from a crisis that I started to get ill. I think I'd held it all together whilst he was so poorly and then collapsed as he got better. He found this really hard but luckily had support from his CPN.

We are in the lucky position that because of the serious nature of DHs illness I also get a lot of support from an alocated CPN in his team too, in addition to my own mental health support from the GP, councellor and psychologist. The CPN did a lot of work with me about the importance of looking after myself and making time for myself even (especially) when DH is poorly. Our 2 CPNs also did a lot if joint work with us together a big part of which was being able to communicate well with each other about how we were feeling because part of the problem was that I was scared of sharing how bad I was feeling with DH because I was worried about it making him ill again. I wonder if this is an issue for your DP.

DH and I have learned that communicating honestly about our mental health makes things much better and DH has been able to support me more that I thought possible and actually being able to support me has helped him feel better. I now feel that the support goes both ways.

My suggestion is sitting down with your DP and explaining that you will feel better if he can share his feelings because you knows he is struggling and you are worrying about him and actually if you know he will talk to you about how he feeling then you will worry less (thats how I feel with DH anyway). DH and I have a scoring system out of 10 to help us communicate this clearly as we realised that words such as OK can be interpreted differently.

Also you both need to make sure you are looking after yourselves and your own mental health. Keep making time for you. You could also discuss these issues with your psychologist and ask if theres any scope for a joint session with your DP to look at ways to help you both manage your mental health together.